2016/17 Premier League season preview (16-20)

20) BURNLEY
I have a hard time immediately writing off newly promoted champions. Winning the League Championship is as difficult as winning the Champions League. However, few are as naive as The Clarets seem to be this season.

Their best addition this summer was brand new flood lights, at one of the worst grounds in football. I’m serious. Apparently they’re 11 meters taller than the last ones. Better for 4K broadcasts? Sorry Jon Flanagan.

Several promoted sides begin a top flight season without having made a key signing. Few are actually worse than the team that won promotion. The Burnley that was relegated two years ago on 33 points, wasn’t half bad. And it took til November to win their first match! They will be lucky to win five matches with this squad.

Joey Barton chose the Scottish Premiership after being allowed to leave on a free transfer. I haven’t seen anyone really raving about Nick Pope or JB Gudmundsson. Well, apart from all the hipsters that fell in love with Gudmundsson’s Iceland at Euro 2016.

All the pressure falls on the shoulders of last year’s Championship Player of the Year Andre Gray. He cost an initial £6 million last summer. But ownership won’t open the chequebook now? They will regret it.

19) HULL CITY
Hull would have been relegation favourites even with Steve Bruce in charge on matchday 1. The only reason I’ve picked them to finish ahead of Burnley is experience. Though they’ll start their relegation battle without four notable players.

Michael Dawson will be out for three months. Right-back Moses Odubajo, goalkeeper Allan McGregor and centreback Alex Bruce are each six months away from pulling on that black and yellow shirt. Without Dad around, will Bruce get another minute? Oh, did I mention that Mohamed Diamé left for Newcastle? You know you’re club is in bad shape when you have goal scorers that would rather stay in the championship than come up, without a chance.

I feel for Tigers supporters. Martin O’Neill left Aston Villa in a very similar situation six years ago, and Villa never recovered. While MON wasn’t able to keep the players he wanted, at least he was able to buy a few. Hull have spent just £200k all year, on reserve goalkeeper Dusan Kuciak from Legia Warsaw. And that purchase was made in January!

Hull might very well have new, presumably anxious to spend, American owners before they even employ Bruce’s replacement. But by the time the January transfer window rolls around, Hull will have put themselves too far back.

18) BOURNEMOUTH
I don’t think I’ll anger any Bournemouth supporters by saying they won’t top the highs of last season. Winning at Stamford Bridge. Beating Manchester United at Dean Court, is the stuff dreams are made of. Eddie Howe has the dream to be England boss, but that will have to wait. I bet Jordan Ibe never dreamed someone would pay £15 million for him, but the Cherries made the former Liverpool starlet their prized signing of the summer. Good player for a squad like this, but he may not be able to outperform that price tag hanging over his head.

Five others have joined the club, while a pair of important pieces have quit the project with the hopes of winning promotion for bigger names. Tommy Elphick left for Villa and Matt Ritchie traded the south coast for the northeast. But Howe is quite smitten about £5.4 million signing, France Under-20 striker, Lys Mousset from Le Havre. They’ve produced a couple of decent Premier Leaguers recently.

Landing Lewis Cook from Leeds was Howe’s main objective, and having done that many British writers seem to think Bournemouth have done enough. But I could only pick two other teams the Cherries are better than.

17) WATFORD
I toyed with placing Watford in the bottom three. But then realized apart from my, odd yet passionate, disapproval of Quique Sanchez Flores‘ sacking, I couldn’t think of a good enough reason to rate Bournemouth any higher.

The Hornets managed just four wins and 16 points, in the second half of the season and still finished in 13th place. And Quique takes the fall? That doesn’t make any sense to me. And if you’re a long-time fan of the podcast you know that I couldn’t wait for Benfica to get rid of the Spaniard when he so arrogantly plied his trade in Lisbon.

Odion Ighalo and Troy Deeney will not combine to score 28 goals this campaign. Ighalo tired soon in to the new year, and for as close as Deeney came to a trip to France with England, he was playing well above his weight. I always have a hard time betting on guys who shine bright so late in their careers to continue great form. Jamie Vardy might be my first exception since Pauleta.

Watford should have taken Leicester’s £25 million offer for Deeney. Then again, this is a board that has now hired seven managers since 2013. Logical decision making isn’t exactly a trend at Vicarage Road. But it’s easy to see why Walter Mazzarri felt so comfortable taking his job. Any more stability would be so foreign, it would have surely put him off.

If a Top 10 finish is the expectation, Mazzarri doesn’t stand a chance to make it through the winter. The Italian did a lot with relatively very little 5 years ago at Napoli. But seeing so much of Mazzarri on TV this season should at least settle the debate: does he look more like Alec Baldwin or Dustin Hoffman?

16) CRYSTAL PALACE
If not for a strong start to last season, the South Londoners would be competing with Villa and Newcastle this season. In the end, Palace did enough to finish 15th and it made them one of the hungriest clubs in the transfer market this summer. But for all the high priced bids they’ve thrown around, Alan Pardew has little to show for it.

Andros Townsend and James Tomkins are good players, but they’re not going to take Palace any farther than they’ve already been. Steve Mandanda could be the steal of the season at just £1.4 million. But Pardew and Palace fans the world over, will be holding their breath that the club land Christian Benteke or Saido Berahino before the window closes. Or, both. And they still might.

But as we’ve seen in the past with Palace’s frontline experiments, just because they’ve bagged a dozen goals elsewhere doesn’t mean they’re going to in South London.

Shoutout to The Crystals.

Be sure to check back soon. Predicted finishes 11-15 coming next!

2015/16 Premier League season: The Dunny Awards

How’s that for an awards show name, eh? Tennis racquets and summer tyres for everybody!

Soundtrack of the season: “Dilly ding, dilly dong.” By Andrea Bocelli.

Most Exciting Player to watch: Dmitri Payet.
Leicester had their stand outs, but every play the Frenchman made seemed like a Play of the Year candidate.

Manager of the Year: Sam Allardyce.
Bet you wish you hired him back now, eh Mike Ashley? Forever underrated, “Big Sam” could keep your mens league team in the top flight.

Most influential moment: Eva Carneiro‘s decision to treat what she assumed to be an injured Eden Hazard in Chelsea‘s 2-2 draw with Swansea. Brought the “end of The Special One” at Stamford Bridge.

Most surprising managerial change: If you told Rafa Benitez on his pre-season tour with Real Madrid that he would finish the year in charge of relegated Newcastle, he would’ve laughed at you the way Jose Mourinho laughs at him.

Biggest transfer flop: Éder.
Swansea spent £5 million to buy him from Braga. After failing to score in 15 appearances, he was loaned out to Lille. Notable mention: Chelsea’s money stealing duo, Alex Pato and Falcao.

Arrival of the Year: Jürgen Klopp.
The German has reinvigorated a great club so desperate to return to relevance. Win or lose the Europa League final, this season was a success at Anfield because of the clear trajectory LFC are on now. Up.

Comeback Player of the Year: Petr Cech.
Won the Premier League Golden Glove thanks to 16 clean sheets in 34 appearances in his debut season at Arsenal. I thought he was done. I was wrong.

Depreciating Player of the Year: Jack Grealish.
Most thought he’d be in Roy Hodgson‘s squad this summer. Can’t even stand out in Aston Villa’s U21 side now.

Nickname of the Year: Troy Deeney – “Fat Drake”.

The ‘How much do you miss me’ Award: Jermain Defoe.
My goodness, he’s still such a lethal goalscorer. No way Sunderland stay up these two years without him.

Saddest Departure: Roberto Martinez.
The Spaniard offered so much promise when he first showed up at Goodison Park. But his shine wore off as the Toffees spent more money, on better players, and couldn’t match the results of years past. It won’t be any easier for the next guy. Expect to see Bobby Marts back in Spain before the end of next season.

Dumbest Decision: Watford sacking Quique Sanchez Flores.
What were The Hornets expecting to achieve this year? He was a Manager of the Year candidate for much of the season. They would be lucky to match this season’s 13th place finish with Pep at the helm.

Commentator of the year: Peter Drury.
Some people have little time for hyperbole, but that’s exactly what Leicester’s crowning deserved. Not a better man to call it, and their unbelievable run all year.

Lifetime Achievement Award: Gerry Dobson. Has been the voice of Canadian soccer on television since 1998. Happy retirement Gerry! Saturday mornings won’t be the same without you.

Adios ‘Arry

You know not to call him a “wheeler n’ dealer”. But it’s going to be weird not to call Harry Redknapp a football manager anymore.

After 26 months at Loftus Road, Redknapp’s time at QPR is over. And I’d bet my money, that so is his career.

It wasn’t that long ago that we were talking about ‘Arry as “the only man for England!” Having been passed over for his country’s top job, and pushed aside by Tottenham, the decline began.

In hindsight, that was inevitable. But few men have a way with words like Harry Redknapp and his resolve and ability to beat the odds made him seem a bit invincible – in that drunk uncle kind of way.

How many managers will be able to look back on their careers and say they won hearts like ‘Arry, broke hearts as quickly as ‘Arry, and then somehow managed to win them back?

He was the best soundbite the media could ask for.

His claim Tuesday that he’s leaving the job now because of an immediate need for knee surgery is already being described as one of the best excuses of all time! Sometimes it was a nightmare to find the 15 second clip you needed for your show through his three minutes of babble. But when a mic was in front of ‘Arry, you knew eventually you’d get something pretty decent you could use.

Taking Tottenham to the Champions League and two top four finishes was the pinnacle, but his time on the South Coast is the period that will stand out most in the minds of those old enough to have witnessed ‘Arry grow with each job.

What he pulled off in his second stint at Portsmouth will be remembered as one of the most remarkable stretches of any manager in the modern era. I still can’t explain how Pompey managed to win the FA Cup. So sad to see what happened to that club in the years after. ‘Arry may be looked at by those in Portsmouth as the kiss of death, but at least Nwankwo Kanu knows he’ll never have to pay for a drink in that town for as long as he lives.

I remember co-hosting The Footy Show podcast the day Redknapp replaced Juande Ramos and will never get how emphatically, yet simply, Kristian Jack explained what it meant. “Tottenham fans went to bed last night fearing their club will be relegated this season. They woke up this morning knowing they’re staying up.”

He was right. ‘Arry kept them up and took them from being a darkhorse pick every season to an actual top four contender. He made mistakes along the way, and of course had more than his fair share of luck, but Redknapp was on top of the world, waiting to rescue the next team that so desperately needed his magic touch: England.

That didn’t happen. The FA saw Roy as the better choice and from then on Redknapp was never quite the same. He grew more impatient with the media, and seemingly with his players. Although, if you were tasked with managing the lot he had at QPR you would have a difficult time controlling your temper as well.

Perhaps his time at QPR can be summed up best by describing him with one word: human.

The legend of ‘Arry had grown so large it seemed he could even find a way to fix the Edmonton Oilers if given the chance. But with Tony Fernandes’ chequebook graciously open, ‘Arry made poor overpaid signing after overpaid signing leaving QPR fans to wonder if they’ll be a yo-yo club forever. Although with the financial gloom that will come if they are relegated again, many must fear they’re on pace to end up like Portsmouth themselves.

It does seem a bit odd that a former Spurs boss is tipped to be his replacement. I guess Tim Sherwood isn’t actually worried that following in Redknapp’s footsteps might result in the same fate. He couldn’t be any more unlike Redknapp, really. And that’s telling in it’s own right.

‘Arry is amongst the last of a dying breed of old school, football smart, managers. Man, I am going to miss him.

Thanks for the memories ‘Arry!