2016/17 Premier League season preview (16-20)

20) BURNLEY
I have a hard time immediately writing off newly promoted champions. Winning the League Championship is as difficult as winning the Champions League. However, few are as naive as The Clarets seem to be this season.

Their best addition this summer was brand new flood lights, at one of the worst grounds in football. I’m serious. Apparently they’re 11 meters taller than the last ones. Better for 4K broadcasts? Sorry Jon Flanagan.

Several promoted sides begin a top flight season without having made a key signing. Few are actually worse than the team that won promotion. The Burnley that was relegated two years ago on 33 points, wasn’t half bad. And it took til November to win their first match! They will be lucky to win five matches with this squad.

Joey Barton chose the Scottish Premiership after being allowed to leave on a free transfer. I haven’t seen anyone really raving about Nick Pope or JB Gudmundsson. Well, apart from all the hipsters that fell in love with Gudmundsson’s Iceland at Euro 2016.

All the pressure falls on the shoulders of last year’s Championship Player of the Year Andre Gray. He cost an initial £6 million last summer. But ownership won’t open the chequebook now? They will regret it.

19) HULL CITY
Hull would have been relegation favourites even with Steve Bruce in charge on matchday 1. The only reason I’ve picked them to finish ahead of Burnley is experience. Though they’ll start their relegation battle without four notable players.

Michael Dawson will be out for three months. Right-back Moses Odubajo, goalkeeper Allan McGregor and centreback Alex Bruce are each six months away from pulling on that black and yellow shirt. Without Dad around, will Bruce get another minute? Oh, did I mention that Mohamed Diamé left for Newcastle? You know you’re club is in bad shape when you have goal scorers that would rather stay in the championship than come up, without a chance.

I feel for Tigers supporters. Martin O’Neill left Aston Villa in a very similar situation six years ago, and Villa never recovered. While MON wasn’t able to keep the players he wanted, at least he was able to buy a few. Hull have spent just £200k all year, on reserve goalkeeper Dusan Kuciak from Legia Warsaw. And that purchase was made in January!

Hull might very well have new, presumably anxious to spend, American owners before they even employ Bruce’s replacement. But by the time the January transfer window rolls around, Hull will have put themselves too far back.

18) BOURNEMOUTH
I don’t think I’ll anger any Bournemouth supporters by saying they won’t top the highs of last season. Winning at Stamford Bridge. Beating Manchester United at Dean Court, is the stuff dreams are made of. Eddie Howe has the dream to be England boss, but that will have to wait. I bet Jordan Ibe never dreamed someone would pay £15 million for him, but the Cherries made the former Liverpool starlet their prized signing of the summer. Good player for a squad like this, but he may not be able to outperform that price tag hanging over his head.

Five others have joined the club, while a pair of important pieces have quit the project with the hopes of winning promotion for bigger names. Tommy Elphick left for Villa and Matt Ritchie traded the south coast for the northeast. But Howe is quite smitten about £5.4 million signing, France Under-20 striker, Lys Mousset from Le Havre. They’ve produced a couple of decent Premier Leaguers recently.

Landing Lewis Cook from Leeds was Howe’s main objective, and having done that many British writers seem to think Bournemouth have done enough. But I could only pick two other teams the Cherries are better than.

17) WATFORD
I toyed with placing Watford in the bottom three. But then realized apart from my, odd yet passionate, disapproval of Quique Sanchez Flores‘ sacking, I couldn’t think of a good enough reason to rate Bournemouth any higher.

The Hornets managed just four wins and 16 points, in the second half of the season and still finished in 13th place. And Quique takes the fall? That doesn’t make any sense to me. And if you’re a long-time fan of the podcast you know that I couldn’t wait for Benfica to get rid of the Spaniard when he so arrogantly plied his trade in Lisbon.

Odion Ighalo and Troy Deeney will not combine to score 28 goals this campaign. Ighalo tired soon in to the new year, and for as close as Deeney came to a trip to France with England, he was playing well above his weight. I always have a hard time betting on guys who shine bright so late in their careers to continue great form. Jamie Vardy might be my first exception since Pauleta.

Watford should have taken Leicester’s £25 million offer for Deeney. Then again, this is a board that has now hired seven managers since 2013. Logical decision making isn’t exactly a trend at Vicarage Road. But it’s easy to see why Walter Mazzarri felt so comfortable taking his job. Any more stability would be so foreign, it would have surely put him off.

If a Top 10 finish is the expectation, Mazzarri doesn’t stand a chance to make it through the winter. The Italian did a lot with relatively very little 5 years ago at Napoli. But seeing so much of Mazzarri on TV this season should at least settle the debate: does he look more like Alec Baldwin or Dustin Hoffman?

16) CRYSTAL PALACE
If not for a strong start to last season, the South Londoners would be competing with Villa and Newcastle this season. In the end, Palace did enough to finish 15th and it made them one of the hungriest clubs in the transfer market this summer. But for all the high priced bids they’ve thrown around, Alan Pardew has little to show for it.

Andros Townsend and James Tomkins are good players, but they’re not going to take Palace any farther than they’ve already been. Steve Mandanda could be the steal of the season at just £1.4 million. But Pardew and Palace fans the world over, will be holding their breath that the club land Christian Benteke or Saido Berahino before the window closes. Or, both. And they still might.

But as we’ve seen in the past with Palace’s frontline experiments, just because they’ve bagged a dozen goals elsewhere doesn’t mean they’re going to in South London.

Shoutout to The Crystals.

Be sure to check back soon. Predicted finishes 11-15 coming next!

3 Things To Watch In The Prem This Weekend – Week 32

Arsenal’s unstoppable form
The Gunners have the chance to do something this weekend that no Premier League club has this season: win eight games in a row.

Quite the feat considering the entire Western World, including myself, called for Wenger to walk away after Arsenal’s leg one debacle against Monaco. Arsenal have the same record after 31 matches as they did last season. If only they had played like this before Christmas.

Injuries have taken their toll, as they always do with this squad, but Arsenal look like legit second place finishers. One that could actually challenge for a title next season. Hmm, why do I feel like I’ve said that before?

Tim Sherwood’s return to White Hart Lane
Villa’s 3-3 draw with QPR on Tuesday was one of the best advertisement’s for the Premier League I’ve seen in years. Often times those “do-or-die” relegation battles are treated like cup finals. Stagnant and slow as neither side wants to risk opening themselves up. Being best mates, Tim Sherwood and Chris Ramsey put (arguably) their most attacking sides out there and said, “‘ave a go then, boys!”

Given his personality, and the hat-trick that approach got out of Christian Benteke, I wonder if Timmy tries it again on Saturday. It could be far more costly than it turned out to be against QPR. Villa can’t afford to drop any more points. Man City is next on the fixture list. And we all know Villa are capable of conceding three far easier than they could create three.

Given their recent form, a draw is a real possibility. And as far as “sticking it to [his] old club” goes, that would be good enough.

That Manchester derby thing
Who would’ve thought that it would be United likely to finish in the top 3 at the expense of City?

While City have struggled away from home and against some of the poorest clubs, United continue to rack up results and show steady improvement. Even though some of their biggest investments, particularly Falcao, have failed to contribute. Yaya Toure and David Silva made City the best midfield in the Premier League last season. Lately the three-headed monster of Michael Carrick, Ander Herrera and Marouane Fellaini have catapulted United into the race for second place.

We say it every year before these two meet: “this derby will be won in midfield!” If that’s true, bet the farm on United.

Premier League matchweek 10: Five Things to Watch

The Manchester Derby
I was going to start with a paragraph about Leicester’s backline just to mess with you, but I do want you to keep coming back to this site.

Premier League matches have averaged 2.89 goals a game this season. Safe bet we’ll get more than a few Sunday at The Etihad with the way LVG’s defense has played this year and the fact that Man City are due to finally play like champions.

For some reason, playing away is just like the Champions League for City. They just can’t find it in themselves to play as well as they do at home. On Sunday, they’ll be home and charged with the energy we’ve come to expect in a Manc derby. Samir Nasri could be the key man, should he be good to go.

Radamel Falcao and Angel Di Maria have yet to look like the elite players they are when wearing that Man United shirt, but they can pencil themselves into United folklore with big performances in their first derby. They’ll need to be impressive, otherwise there will be plenty of United fans calling in sick for work on Monday.

Will Mario Balotelli remember how good he is?
Coming off back-to-back wins, and with the superior advantage of playing in one of the best party towns in the world, Newcastle should like their chances tomorrow morning. Add to the fact that the Reds too are coming off a midweek Capital One Cup tie and likely will have one eye on their Champions League trip to Madrid, and my gut says Ladbrokes will be taking far less money on LFC than they normally do.

How much Arsenal want to win by
Burnley followed up three impressive clean sheets by allowing 12 goals in their last 4. The Clarets are also just the 12th side not to win even one of their opening nine matches. Alexis Sanchez has produced eight goals in his last 10 starts and should have another speedy winger to help him out, should Theo Walcott actually be fit enough to start. The Gunners haven’t been overly impressive at home this season. Expect that to change this weekend.

Can Aston Villa score a goal?
Villa are the ninth different side to lose five Premier League games in a row without scoring a single goal. It’s pretty pathetic, but bias aside I think they’ll actually get one against Spurs.

Villa were better than the scoreline for most of an hour and a half at Loftus Road. Christian Benteke is bound to return to his stellar form with more play. And Tottenham are just too Jekyll and Hyde for me to think they’ll walk all over Villa the way Arsenal and Chelsea did.

If Villa could somehow take all three points, Mauricio Pochettino will have a “crisis” on his hands that I don’t think his English is ready for.

If Hull are Southampton’s banana skin
Given my incredibly limited vocabulary and their fitting strip, I’m surprised I don’t use that line for Hull every week they play a better side!

Ronald Koeman’s DreamLand has to come to an end sooner or later, doesn’t it? Don’t let me piss on your party Saints fans. What you’ve accomplished this season is truly remarkable. Just five goals conceded after nine matches, better than all of the other 91 professional clubs in England. Slow clap for you Ralph Krueger. The Oilers are wondering why you didn’t have the same success with them.