5 Things We Learned From The Prem After Matchweek 1

Saturday mornings used to be the most enjoyable part of my week.

Now, I feel like I’m watching my ex-girlfriend. She’s moved on with her life. She hangs with a completely different crowd now. And to be honest, she’s sexier than ever. While I wake up early Saturday mornings, to follow live tweets about a visit from Rotherham, or a trip to Huddersfield. #LifeAfterRelegation

Having spilled my feelings and bitterness to you, here are the five things we learned from a thrilling opening weekend to the 2016/17 Premier League season.

1) Conte figured out how to sell soccer to Americans
It didn’t work when Will Ferrell and Mike Ditka tried it in the highly underrated cult classic Kicking & Screaming. But 4-2-4 is the formation that continually teases the audience “there’s going to be a goal here!” Antonio Conte got his winner courtesy of a hungry, and mildly less petulant, Diego Costa.

Chelsea very much look like a team prepared to wear down their opponents over the course of a match, and pounce when the time is right. How Italian of them. They won’t win matches by many goals, but they will win many matches.

Watching Eden Hazard and Willian come off in a 1-1 game must have had most Chelsea fans thinking, “oh God. This guy’s just happy to win one point on his debut!” But all three subs looked inspired and really upped the pressure on West Ham‘s tired defense. I didn’t think we’d ever see Victor Moses in a Chelsea shirt again. He didn’t look half bad! And I’m talking about his play! Those Chelsea tops are awful.

Chelsea probably could have been more creative. Despite James Collins‘ fine equaliser, West Ham really didn’t seem up for it Monday night. Conte’s side would have had the opportunity to create more chances with Cesc Fabregas on the pitch instead of one of either N’Golo Kanté or Nemanja Matic.

Lucky for Conte, he’s got about 55 more matches to play around with things.

2) Man United have got their swagger back
We knew Manchester United would be a different side with José Mourinho running the show. And while it was just the season opener away to Bournemouth, it was clear to see that United have this aura about them that they haven’t had since winning the title three years ago. Scary to think what they’ll look like once Paul Pogba reintegrates himself back in to the team.

You can already see Zlatan Ibrahimovic‘s confidence wearing off on his teammates. In two matches now, they’ve played with a composure that was rarely noticeable under LVG.  Wayne Rooney wasn’t all that impressive, but he’s certainly been worse and if he gets his name on the scoresheet every time he plays a match like that, he’s going to keep his place in the side.

3) Wenger will panic buy on Deadline Day
Have we unknowingly stumbled on to a near decade-long conspiracy where Arsene Wenger leaves all his business until the last few days of the window so that Sky Sports can keep “Jim White Day” going?

I can’t remember the last time I didn’t read or hear “injury crisis” and “Arsenal” in the same sentence.  There’s a great game show brewing at The Emirates: “who’s this guy you’ve never heard of before in Wenger’s XI?” That game works for reading transfer rumours as well.

Buckle up and prepare to read endless unknowns from the lesser televised regions of Europe linked with a move to the Gunners. Or, maybe Wenger will just wait for captain Per Mertesacker to return from injury in five months.

Certainly Rob Holding deserved a better debut than that? Word was Francis Coquelin had been training next to Callum Chambers in pre-season. That could be the centreback pairing when Arsenal visit champions Leicester in Saturday’s late kickoff.

4) Children’s crests are SO in right now
Not to enrage all you Manchester City and West Ham supporters. You’re an incredibly passionate and loyal bunch. Your teams have real history and tradition. So why on earth have the badges become so simplistic they look like they were designed on Snapchat?

5) Hull will not be relegated on zero points
Fueled by the last placed predictions of everyone from Hull to Hong Kong, and the presence of the champions in the first Premier League match of this new season, the Tigers showed us that magic isn’t reserved simply for Leicester. I thought a Leicester win was the lock of the weekend. Clearly I know nothing. And Claudio Ranieri meant it when he said, “staying up is the focus.”

NOTABLE MENTION
Pep Guardiola doesn’t have the Hart for Shrewsbury Joe. Really don’t know why he would wait til the start of the season to send that message to Hart, everyone watching, and most importantly, clubs with a goalkeeper to sell. Willy Caballero will do the trick for now. He genuinely appears to relish the role of sweeper keeper. But expect a bigger name to walk in to The Etihad before the window closes.

Jürgen Klopp didn’t realise he hired his doppelgänger when he convinced fitness coach Andreas Kornmayer to trade Bavaria for Merseyside. Or, more likely, Klopp knew that having Kornmayer around would help protect him from angry players and fans when these three-a-day training sessions put half the squad on the disabled list. One of them must drive a Saab still, right? #ArchitectsGlasses

Watch out Gary Lineker: Andy Townsend is coming for you mate! And he didn’t even need to take his clothes off.

I really enjoyed the Premier League Productions ‘Matchday Live’ half-time and post-match set up with just Townsend and former Canadian Owen Hargreaves standing in a poshy looking footballer’s cottage, speaking about Chelsea and West Ham like a couple of pros just bantering All that was missing was a couple of pints on that monitor/table. Though now that hosts have been replaced from host-worthy analysts, I better re-start the “backup” career plans…

The Special One finds his special place

What a time to be alive.

It took longer than he wanted, but José Mourinho finally has his dream job.

Following in the steps of one man in over his head, and another whose head was so far up in the clouds he often couldn’t see what was going on around him, the 53 year-old was hired to return “football’s most storied club” to the glory years enjoyed under Sir Alex Ferguson.

Remember this is the guy that was once arrested for obstructing animal health officials and police from quarantining his dog.

I’m not saying this isn’t the right move for both parties. I’ve been waiting for this appointment since Fergie announced his retirement. I just fully understand why it took so long, and why not everyone in the Manchester United hierarchy believes Mourinho deserves this job.

If Manchester City didn’t hire Pep Guardiola, this article is about PSG‘s new fiery skip “L’un Homme Spécial.”

In many ways this is heartbreaking for United. Gone are the days when they could sit on their thrown atop the mountain while their “noisy neighbours” struggled quite hilariously to climb the grassy slopes, like a Range Rover Evoque with summer tyres. Now City actions force United reactions. And this is by far the best move possible.

Mourinho has charisma and a personality like few others in professional sports. Everywhere José has been he makes enemies. But he is beloved by tens of millions. He can make average players look great. He terrorizes the minds of his opposition. And he is always going to leave us with a great quote.

But while his CV is envied by every manager, Jose’s act is a tired one. Owners have quit on him. Players have quit on him. Very few managers are successful at the very top for more than ten years.

Mourinho won six league titles and the Champions League twice between 2002 and 2010. Since then he has won just two league crowns and left two clubs a complete mess. And no I am not a Barca favouring Spanish journalist. I was referring to Inter.

In English football’s 128 year history, only four managers have won the league with more than one club. Tom Watson, Herbert Chapman, Brian Clough and Kenny Dalglish.

Won’t stop millions from running to the betting shops to put a wager on the Red Devils, with only the Europa League to distract them this season. And José will become the fifth. Just in his second season, of course.

At United winning is just expected. It’s how you win that is the most important thing.

Louis van Gaal was feverishly criticized by the United faithful for not playing attractive football. Mourinho has made a career of filling trophy cabinets 1-0. And not the exciting Leicester way. But the way that empowers your soccer hating friends to say “this is supposed to be one of the best sawker teams around and they can only score one goal in an hour and a half?”

Mou has many detractors to win over. Several wear the suits that argued for weeks about his image rights. A few more are in the dressing room he will walk in to like he owns. It’s a good thing he has the entire pre-season to put his stamp on things.

So now we wait for Zlatan Ibrahimovic to make his way to the red side of Manchester. “Came as a king. Left as an assistant manager?” as one so eloquently said on Football Weekly in reference to rumour that José was going to bring Ibra to Old Trafford, but not as a player. Now there’s someone that Pep Guardiola would love to poke in the eye during a touch line skirmish.

Tough break for Juan Mata. Was the best player in the Premier League four years ago. José shows up, ships him out and he’s been trying to kill the unfair reputation of being a “Chelsea failure” ever since. Rumours of Mata for Willian have already started. Jesse Lingard doesn’t stand a chance of keeping a spot in the first team now. Adnan Januzaj is begging Borussia Dortmund to come save him. Marcus Rashford is… Naw. Rashford is good. He’s an England man now!

Or maybe, José Mourinho has in fact changed. Maybe he will give young players a chance to establish themselves. Maybe he will bite his tongue when opposing managers rile him up. Maybe he will instruct his players to put on a show for their loyal supporters.

Whether Mourinho’s tenure at Old Trafford mirrors Fergie’s or not, there is one guarantee in all of this: it will be worth watching.

3 Things We Learned From The Prem – Mar. 3

It’s weeks like these when I’m really happy I didn’t choose to be a “professional gambler” for a living…

1) Nobody wants to win the Premier League title
Arsenal‘s lack of desire will be the end of Arsene Wenger. Sick of hearing his club criticised for their “lack of mental fortitude”, Wenger sniped at reporters comparing their opinions to weather forecast. Yes, changeable and pretty flaky is also a brilliant way to describe the way Arsenal’s play over the course of the year. Wednesday’s loss to Swansea might actually be worse than losing to Manchester United‘s reserves. Sweet revenge for Ashley Williams who desperately wanted a move to The Emirates a few years back but Wenger scoffed at his £10 million price tag.

I thought a Tottenham win was the lock of the week. If going top wasn’t enough to motivate Spurs to find another gear and treat an away match like they’re playing at home, I don’t know how much longer they can actually challenge.

Manchester City were shambolic at Anfield. Would never have guessed they’d miss the chance to close the gap with Leicester dropping points on Tuesday. The Foxes were the only ones to show a real desire this week.

2) League Cup hangovers are as bad as any
Manchester has one of the best nightlife scenes in all of Europe. I didn’t know that included Monday and Tuesday nights though.

How can you compete with a team for 120 minutes, enjoy the euphoria of winning a cup final on penalties, and then get smashed three days later by the same club? Depth has been a concern for Man City every season. And while, on their day, City can look like the best club in the world, they can not do it consistently battling on multiple fronts.

They won another trophy on the weekend, but they most likely threw away any chance of adding another Premier League trophy to the cabinet this spring. A 10 point gap is nearly insurmountable for the best of teams. From what we’ve seen of City since Christmas, they’re hardly in that category.

3) Marcus Rashford needs LVG
Held off the scoresheet for the first time in his stellar one week career, Marcus Rashford showed plenty of quality and took another big step towards proving that he is a Premier League calibre player. Enjoy “Red Rash” for the rest of this season United fans. Because Jose Mourinho sure as hell won’t play him if, according to rumours of a pending three year deal, he takes over in the summer. Rashford is exactly the type of young player Jose is keen to staple to the bench and mentally exhaust to the point that Rashford considers another career path. Like becoming a singer, or a real estate agent.

NOTABLE MENTION
Credit to West Ham for denying Tottenham the opportunity to join Leicester at the top of the table. Slaven Bilic has rather quietly turned the Hammers in to a team your club is afraid to play. Nobody thought West Ham had a chance at finishing in a European place this season. The way they looked on Wednesday, West Ham just might be able to challenge both Manchester clubs for fourth place.

Juan Mata looked pretty good wearing that captain’s armband. Clearly motivated him to score that beautiful free kick. And he looks like a Mediterranean, follically comfortable Wayne Rooney.

5 Things To Watch For In The Prem On Boxing Day

1) Which Liverpool side will show up for Leicester?
Remember when Jürgen Klopp’s side beat Man City 4-1, at The Etihad last month? Liverpool have won just once in the league since and only thanks to a James Milner penalty against Swansea, the week after. Not exactly the model of consistency.

While LFC have played more inspired football since Rodgers was sacked, they’re still a mess defensively. Which should have Jamie Vardy and Riyadh Mahrez licking their chops as they go to bed Friday night.

2) Can Arsenal avoid a repeat of last year’s New Years Day nightmare?
Last year Arsene Wenger‘s men travelled down to the South Coast with title aspirations, an easy task ahead in the last 16 of the Champions League and an injury crisis threatening to derail it all.

This year, only the Champions League task is different. But Arsenal‘s chance of lifting the Premier League trophy come May has never been better. They can’t afford another 2-0 loss.

3) What’s good for the Guus is good for the gander
It’s a cliche my grandfather often used, and one I haven’t heard in years. It means “justice has been served” or “one got what they deserved.” Roman thought leading his champions to the club’s worst ever league start was enough for Mourinho to lose his job. Chelsea supporters clearly didn’t feel that way.

Saturday Guus Hiddink will step in that Chelsea manager’s box for the first time in six years. But unlike last week when his lot of underachievers played to their potential, The Blues have a competent opponent to deal with. Watford come in with one of the hottest strikers in football at the moment, looking to win five in a row.

You can argue that despite their diabolical start, Mourinho didn’t deserve to be sacked. But is Hiddink the one that can serve justice? If he can’t on Saturday, he may never win the support of the Chelsea faithful.

4) You know what they say about a rainy Boxing Day at Stoke
Winless in six, losers of three in a row, with a fan base quickly beginning to believe a manager they once despised is the only one to lead them back to the promise land. Desperate times Louis. Remember what Mark Hughes’ did to their last visitors from Manchester?

It’s the early kickoff Saturday morning, but there’s enough reason for both United fans and the neutral to wake up for it.

5) How many can Man City put passed Sunderland?
Big Sam knew this job would be one of if not the most difficult he’s had. The schedule makers haven’t made it any easier. After inspiring Chelsea, Sunderland will hope to avoid boosting Man City‘s confidence ahead of their title deciding trip to Leicester on Tuesday. Younes Kaboul‘s hamstring injury has made life even more difficult for the Black Cats. Sergio Agüero has scored just seven times in 11 appearances. Not very good numbers compared to this season’s leaders from swashbuckling super powers Leicester and Watford.

This is exactly the type of match where Citeh prove how dangerous they can be. I don’t like to make predictions, but if you’re the betting type it would seem pretty safe to take the over.

5 Things We Learned From The Prem This Weekend – Aug. 16

1) Jose Mourinho is a sore loser. But you already knew that
I don’t think Jose realises how bad he makes himself look when he says things like yesterday’s 3-0 result was “completely fake.” Yes he has reason to complain that Fernandinho should’ve been sent off. And I did actually find his post-match comments “it has no relation with the result but it has a relation with the rules and the rules say [that in] minute one or minute 90, it was a red card,” to be quite clever. But blaming his team’s lack of effort on referee Martin Atkinson is pathetic. Even for Jose.

Chelsea were lifeless going forward. They offered so little, the Manchester papers are lauding Vincent Kompany and Eli Mangala as the Prem’s new “elite defensive duo.” (And Citeh may flip Mangala for Nicolás Otamendi? Ridiculous.) That might have been the worst match I have ever seen from Diego Costa. I sure hope Jose addresses that at Cobham this morning. God knows the media won’t ignore his substitution of John Terry, for the first time ever in fact, when quite blatantly Gary Cahill was the the one whom Sergio Agüero was running circles around.

The scapegoat for this loss? How about Jose himself. He gave the Blues an entire month off and played just three matches before the Community Shield. And we know it’s nothing but a holiday when Premier Leaguers enjoy a pre-season tour in the U.S.A. Man City have set the pace. And Chelsea are well off it.

2) United love winning with the most minimum effort required
Full credit to Sergio Romero for recording back-to-back clean sheets in a shirt nobody believes he deserves to be wearing. But Villa deserved something on Friday. And that’s not my bias talking. Yes the elite scale back their play on the road, but a championship team could shred Tim Sherwood‘s side apart. United didn’t seem capable of doing that. I don’t know what to make of Wayne Rooney up front. Was really surprised to see Adnan Januzaj in United’s starting XI for the first time since February. Juan Mata was brilliant. His vision has always been a strong point and Memphis Depay will regret not having bagged his first Premier League goal after the best pass he may have ever received.

3) Alexis Sánchez doesn’t need vacations
Rushed back into the starting XI thanks to Arsenal‘s pathetic performance at home to West Ham last week, Sánchez barely had a holiday after helping Chile to win their first Copa América. He wasn’t even supposed to feature in the squad this month. Bit short of options are ya Arsene? Wenger called him a “fighter”. We know he’s just their best player, making probably £100k a week so those performances are expected.

4) Dick Advocaat has already lost the room
It’s like a race up there on Wearside to see who can do it first! If ever a team deserved to be relegated after two matches, it’s Sunderland. After Sunderland‘s pathetic effort at home to Norwich, a forlorn Advocaat admitted his side “are not a team” and openly questioned why “they can not bring it”. My what a difference a few months makes. Swansea visit the Stadium of Depression this weekend. Forget the boos. If the Black Cats play like that again, they might have to worry about being hit with bags of piss.

5) Carl Jenkinson is a better keeper than Petr Cech
Well, if clean sheets are the only measurement, then yes that statement is true. Chelsea fans were quick to troll Gooners after the former Gunner put the gloves on for the final few minutes of West Ham‘s 2-1 loss at home to Leicester. Adrián‘s boot through Jamie Vardy not quite as impressive as Nigel De Jong‘s kung fu kick on Xabi Alonso in the World Cup final, but thrilling nonetheless.

NOTABLE MENTION
Harry Kane is this year’s Raheem Sterling. Mauricio Pochettino explained that Kane was tired & could not play 90 minutes. Oh boy. Here we go again. He’ll look good in City blue next year though. They haven’t had a frontman with as likeable a haircut since Craig Bellamy. Is he still on their books? Most likely.

It’s going to get worse before it gets better for Newcastle. They lost at the Liberty Stadium in nine minutes. And now The Magpies will finish the month against Man United and Arsenal. Good luck with that Stevey.

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5 Things We Learned From The Prem This Weekend – Aug. 9

Sure, it feels like last season just ended. And yes if you live in a particularly colder climate like I do, it signals the premature end of summer. But damn it feels good to have Premier League football back. Saturday mornings mean something again.

Petr Cech is not going to win Arsenal the title
I didn’t need to watch Sunday’s nightmare to know that. I was so puzzled by how many people picked Arsenal to end their title drought because of the acquisition of a once world-class keeper. Petr Cech does not deserve to be rotting on Chelsea’s bench. But he is not as sharp as he was three years ago, and certainly not the final piece to make a contender a champion. Gooners got a tough dose of that Sunday morning. Arsene Wenger can blame Arsenal’s “defensive lapses” all he wants. The reality is, he is banking on a declining goalkeeper to build brand new relationships with men in front of him who quite often, don’t know what they’re doing.

Philippe Coutinho will make Liverpool fans forget about Raheem Sterling
The Brasilian’s impact has long been underrated on Merseyside. Liverpool did not deserve anything more than a point from The Britannia. But that moment of brilliance should’ve been worth four. Coutinho is Liverpool’s most important asset, though Brendan Rodgers would love Jordan Ibe to be looked at that way. Perhaps in time. For now, as Liverpool learn to send crosses in for a more than capable frontman, in Christian Benteke, it has to be more than comforting to know that Coutinho can turn the match on it’s head given the right opportunity.

Chelsea will be pushed to repeat
The intensity Swansea showed even before Chelsea went down a man, was inspiring. Jose‘s Blues are going to have to work for every W this season. Signing Asmir Begovic will look like a masterstroke now. Away to Man City Sunday morning, Chelsea will need to put themselves in a better position so they’re not solely relying on the counter to create.

Sergio Romero was not a useless signing
And here I thought Sam Johnstone was going to start the season! Tottenham deserved to take a point away from Old Trafford. But the Argentina #1 denied Spurs the satisfaction, and rewarded LVG for signing him two weeks ago. Anyone other than a 100% committed David de Gea is a step down, but Romero is a very good shot stopper. And that backline is going to allow him to face plenty more than just the four that Tottenham put on target Saturday. But it doesn’t matter, because unlike last year, LVG’s side started with a win. Having said all that, I don’t see how the Dutchman can let the transfer window close without adding another frontman. They can’t possibly expect to compete on multiple fronts with just Wayne Rooney and Memphis Depay. Depay is a winger! Marouane Fellaini has proven he can play up top. But he shouldn’t be relied upon. Go out and do some more useful business Louis. Start by getting bodies in return for de Gea, Valdes and Anders Lindegaard.

Aston Villa might just be alright this season. Who woulda Gestede?
It’s just one match, against a newly promoted side that most expect to go straight back down. But starting a seemingly doomed campaign with three points on the road is the best thing Timmy Sherwood could’ve hoped for. Rudy Gestede will never be Christian Benteke. But having scored 20 headed goals in the last two seasons, his new teammates can at least provide him the same service. Making the transition easy on everyone else.

NOTABLE MENTION
Doesn’t Jose Mourinho have any sympathy for the all bullshit Eva Carneiro has had to deal with touching John Terry and Ashley Cole for all those years! What could any team doctor do to deserve such a public scolding?

It’s remarkable that anyone could make their Premier League debut at the age of 16. But how many kids even dream their first chance would come with 79 minutes playing at The Emirates? Beating Arsenal. The most telling thing about Reece Oxford to me, is how Slaven Bilic described his mental makeup: “If Messi was in front of me, I’d be more fazed than Reece.” Out of the Europa League. Start the league with an away win. Slaven can do no wrong in the East End!

Crystal Palace benefited from referee Simon Hooper‘s decision to rule out Cameron Jerome‘s goal, but Norwich still would’ve fallen on Saturday. The gulf in class on display was massive. And to think Alan Pardew looked insane for taking the job at a club that had gone through managers quicker than Toronto FC. And I still can not believe Yohan Cabaye plays his football at Selhurst Park. Soccer has changed.

Gabby Obertan is still playing Premier League football. Wow.

Southampton could play in MLS with that away kit. I actually quite like it, and The Saints of course are always entertaining to watch. Might regret not adding Graz Pelle to my fantasy team. C’mon Saido Berahino! 

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Tuesday Morning Thoughts – Aug. 4

I like Drake. Honestly, I do. But the OVO obsession this long weekend was nauseating. My twitter timeline lit up with useless #OVOFest tweets that reminded me of every time there’s an election. Save your opinions and personal outings for facebook. Idiots. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s start with the real God of Toronto yesterday.

MLB
David Price‘s debut went exactly the way I expected it to. Place was packed, with 45,766 people as anxious to see the start of a new era as much as they were to get free plastic. I was one of em. Of course I didn’t make it in time to get a Russell Martin bobblehead. Price got the run support he needed. The Jays won the ballgame. And all of a sudden, people in this country love baseball again. I have never stood up from my seat in that building on an 0-2 count, in the fourth inning. Until yesterday. I wouldn’t have seen a thing if I didn’t, every time after that. For my full take on his Priceless debut, check out yesterday’s post.

How bout those Mets, huh? New York have won 4 in a row since adding Yoenis Cespedes to their playoff push. And how much is Jerry Seinfeld getting paid for all the festivus references? The Mets have a one game lead in the NL East, and the most talked about rotation in baseball. Yes, a rotation including a rookie – whose name will not be mentioned, and 42 year-old Bartolo Colon. Did I mention the Mets play 42 of their remaining 56 games against sub-.500 teams? Pressure’s on you, Bryce.

Shoutout to Adrian Beltre for becoming the first major leaguer since the 1930s to hit for his third career cycle. Big night for the Rangers offense. Beltre was one of five Texas players with multiple RBIs in their 12-9 win over the AL West leading Astros.

NBA
Really Raptors? Couldn’t have one of those jerseys say “Toronto” across the chest? Guess Drizzy’s influence isn’t as grand as we thought. He probably demanded they put that stupid owl on the black and gold one. Yea. That’s what killed it. Doesn’t matter what their uniforms look like. I can’t wait to see this roster take the floor in November. And I would love to see Kevin Durant sign with the Raptors. #InDrakeWeTrust #OhShit…

SOCCER
The rumour mill is exceptionally crazy today. That’s saying something. Manchester United have apparently bid for every person Real Madrid has ever employed. Vitor the Valet was in tears at the idea of swapping Madrid for Manchester! I do believe that United have been blowing up Flo Perez‘s phone, particularly about Sergio Ramos. But I doubt United have made two £100 million bids for Gareth Bale. And I just don’t see Karim Benzema and/or Pepe succeeding in that team at the moment.

I would hate to see Mario Balotelli shipped off to Lazio. A change of scenery is certainly what he needs. Brendan Rodgers can’t make it any clearer that he has no time nor patience for the enigmatic Italian.

David Luiz has finally figured out what everybody else knows. He’s shit. He’s playing for PSG! Why say now that “one day” he can see himself playing in MLS? I would love to see MLS “become one of the world’s most important leagues within the next decade.” But there’s no need to tell the press that in your prime, unless you know you’re in over your head and the end is near.

Monday Morning Thoughts – Aug. 3

Since I took the weekend off, let me get a few thoughts out of the way first:

1) How the hell is it already August?

2) Holy shit Ronda Rousey is good at her job! Like most, I didn’t know a thing about Bethe Correia before their UFC 190 fight. But every time I saw her she reminded of the crazy woman depicted in any movie set in a female prison. Ever. The Mike Tyson comparisons are fully deserved. Rousey is the face of MMA. At it’s height six years, who would have ever guessed Dana White would need a woman to sustain UFC’s success?

3) Thanks a lot David Price for raising the price of popcorn at Rogers Centre by $3 a bag with your ringing endorsement.

MLB
Hands up if you would like to see the Blue Jays play the Royals in October? Tempers boiled over in yesterday’s series finale as the Royals recognized their moment as the new “unexpectedly good” guys on the block, may be over after one magical season. Umpire Jim Wolf let the ballgame get out of hand. Josh Donaldson was right to be as upset as he was. Edinson Volquez thrives on getting under the skin of his opposition. And Ned Yost loves players who do that. Alex Anthopoulos did everything he could last week to make the Blue Jays a postseason team. They just took three of four off the team that was one win away from winning the World Series last October. Looking good Jays. On to the Twins. I fear I’ll have to line up at Rogers Centre by 11am to get a Russell Martin bobblehead today. Is any mass produced sports collectible worth that?

I think the New York Mets may just win the NL East. They’re playing for each other. There’s a real sense of unity with that team right now. And all the pressure is on the Washington Nationals.

If only Andrew McCutchen had $1 million for every time he got hit with a pitch.

The Angels slide is very entertaining. Swept in the Freeway Series, the Halos have lost six in a row and nine of 10. Is there any one that wouldn’t rather see the Houston Astros win the AL West? Far too many times Mike Scioscia‘s team was just given division titles. Never expected it would be the Astros to make em earn it.

SOCCER
Did you think Jose Mourinho was going to congratulate Arsene Wenger for beating him for the first time in 14 tries? Jose’s response was typically Jose. Snubbing the handshake. Downplaying the Community Shield’s relevance to the new season. But throwing the loser’s medal in to the stands, is a new low. Even for Jose. Having said all that, a part of me thinks Mourinho really does see Arsenal as a threat this season. The Gunners have improved in areas they needed to. Winning the FA Cup again was a huge confidence boost for the squad. This is not the same team that failed to contend last season. I can not believe the Premier League starts this weekend. I’m not ready.

Is Angel Di Maria really just 75% of the player he was when Manchester United bought him?  Buying him for less than £60 million last season, even though a British record, was seen as a coup for United. After one less than fruitful season they turn around and sell him for less than £45 million? Something doesn’t make sense here. When PSG cruise through the group stage and are even money favourites to win the Champions League at Christmas, LVG will never hear the end of it. If he’s even still there.

I lost so much respect for Christian Benteke. No not because he left Aston Villa. And not because of what he wrote in his latest Liverpool loving Instagram post. Simply because of that hashtag. No self respecting adult should ever use the #NowWatchMeNaeNae

Did you know Atletico Madrid were so beloved in China? Neither did I.

NFL
I don’t think Chip Kelly is a racist. But I do think there’s truth to what Brandon Boykin and LeSean McCoy are saying. Is it shocking to think that a 51 year-old guy from New Hampshire that only coached college until two years ago struggles to relate to his NFL players? Most people on this planet can’t actually relate to pro athletes. Kelly said Boykin was blindsided and disappointed about being traded. Boykin felt ignored by his head coach. The real problem is that Kelly isn’t Andy Reid. That sentence right there explains that entire Eagles locker room.

Completely unrelated: was McCoy at Caribana this weekend?

If Richie Incognito is the best option Rex Ryan has to play at left guard, than Incognito deserves to start. If Ryan brought Incognito in to his new environment because he believes the 320-pounder deserves a second chance, than Ryan is an idiot.

Russell Wilson “Carmelo Anthony‘d” the Seahawks. They had to give them that money. Should he be the second highest-paid quarterback in the NFL? No. Could they have gotten to two Super Bowl’s without him? Possibly. But, part of the reason the Seahawks have been so competitive is that they did not have to pay a QB a fortune. The rest of the team will feel all that money going to one position. Could be a really rough start to the season for Wilson. His offensive line is half as good as it was last year and everyone will be looking for him to fail, and blame it on the money. People just jealous that he’s dating Ciara. I know I am.

OLYMPICS
It’s about time the IOC starts testing Rio’s disease infested waters. Let’s be honest, the Brasilian government will throw gallons of chlorine and masking agents into the water a month before and tell everyone the coast is fine. Then a tuna will walk out of the water on two legs and eat Brian Williams.

Friday Morning Thoughts – July 24

Number one twitter trend early this morning was “Hulk Hogan & WWE part ways. Again.” Didn’t even know he was back. Why was he back? Vince must be really hurting for star power.

NHL
Speaking of star power, the Maple Leafs sure like being the most talked about team in hockey. Hiring Lou Lamoriello is a fantastic move. As long as, Lou actually accepts the expectation that he make Kyle Dubas better than him. Decisions won’t be made by committee. That’s not the guy you get if that’s what you want. Clearly Brendan Shanahan felt it best to have a man he knew he could trust to make decisions that he himself isn’t the most qualified to make. Lou is calling the shots in The 6. Just don’t expect Drake to write a track about him anytime soon.

MLB
How bout them Houston Astros? There’s something no one has said with conviction in ten years. Scott Kazmir has been in a pennant race before. He’s a Houston guy, meaning Jeff Luhnow probably expects to have the upper hand in signing him this winter. And they didn’t have to give up the farm to get him, something they would’ve had to do to get Johnny Cueto or David Price.

Speaking of the Tigers ace, real shame Detroit couldn’t even earn a win in what might just have been his last start in a Tiggys uniform. I wonder if Alex Anthopoulos has inquired? It’s a big gamble, and maybe I am a bit bias, but I think Toronto is as good a sell as anywhere for Price long-term. He knows the opposition. For the most part he can live under the radar in one of the best city’s there is. And knowing a future ace is a necessity, ownership will make the cash available. They don’t have a choice. This team won’t get any closer to October without it.

If you support a team that struggles in the pitching department, you hate the LA Dodgers. Aren’t they spoiled enough with the form Zack Greinke is in right now? Last night in Queens, Clayton Kershaw was perfect for six innings and very good for nine, in a 3-0 win to extend his own scoreless streak to 29 innings.

BASKETBALL
The Pan Am Games just keep getting better and better for Canada Basketball. Thanks to a convincing win over Mexico, Canada’s men’s team will play in the semifinal on Friday against the U.S.A., who not so shockingly lost to Brasil 93-83 and finished second in their pool. The Brazilians now have the advantage of playing the Dominicans in the other semi.

SOCCER
Sticking with the Pan Am’s, isn’t it great to see Brasil upset at soccer? Those last 10 minutes versus Uruguay were thrilling. Doesn’t matter the age level or tournament, those to countries hate each other. And it provided a gem of a match in Hamilton that I regret not making the trek out for. Tough break for Panama, to lose to Mexico, again.

If Arsene Wenger does in fact have £200 million to spend, as Lord Harris suggested, then Arsenal have really dropped the ball. Maybe Arturo Vidal was never actually considering joining up with countryman Alexis Sanchez. But that is the calibre of player Wenger needs to buy to make Arsenal a title contender.

The Spanish papers are raving about the friction between Cristiano Ronaldo and new boss Rafa Benitez. Wow. Didn’t see that coming. Rafa may think he’s there because he is the best man for the job, but really he’s just a more acclimated David Blatt. He’s a bigger name, but one that management expect CR7 to boss around when he feels like it. No one could do that with Jose or Carlo Ancelotti. As much as I would love to see him back in the Prem, Ronaldo is not going back to Manchester United this summer. These stories will disappear once Real run away with the season and both Ronnie and Rafa lift at least one title come May.

Thursday Morning Thoughts – July 23

I had no idea the men’s Pan Am 100 metre final was yesterday. Thrilled to see Andre De Grasse win gold for Canada. This country has been looking for the next Donovan Bailey for too long.

MLB
Well, the Jays let that slip away last night. Big chance to win it in the ninth after loading the bases with nobody out. But they managed just one run off Tyler Clippard, on a one-out walk to Jose Bautista. The list of games the Jays “should’ve” won this season is long enough.

Are the Yankees ever going to stop winning ballgames? Honestly, this is getting ridiculous now. How is Alex Rodriguez delivering like it’s 2009 all over again? New York are 11 games over .500! That might be the most shocking thing I’ve seen all year.

SOCCER
So last night I learned that Sunderland are better than TFC II. Of course Jermain Defoe scored a brace. I was stunned to see him play the full 90 minutes. Good on him, and Sunderland for fielding a predominantly Premier League calibre squad. But if I were one of the few sitting near the halfway line that paid $85 a ticket, I would’ve been hella disappointed.

If only Canadians could score goals…
What Canada‘s Pan Am semifinal loss to Colombia proved was that our women just can’t anticipate as quickly, or as well, as their South American competition. Fully capable of improving on that though, and quickly. Great chance at winning bronze on Friday. Mexico have shown their vulnerablilities and if Canada can capitalize on the chances they’re more than capable of creating, a medal is a real possibility. They just need to do something very “un-Canadian” – find the back of the net.

The Gold Cup just isn’t the Gold Cup if it isn’t a Mexico v USA final!!! They’re going to have to change the name of the tournament. How about “The forgotten championship of the northern Americas and a shitload of islands”? Good on Jamaica though. After competing in Copa America last month, I’m stunned to see them succeed the way they have in their own tournament.

Panama: always the bridesmaid. Never the bride. With the USA already out, there was no way a Panama v Jamaica final would be good for the growth of the sport on this side of the Atlantic. So, take the game away from an already undermanned Central American side that nobody really cares about. Roman Torres was fouled and fell on to the ball with no intention. That was not a penalty. The second penalty call was legit, and Mexico will always get those calls in this tournament. If only Canada had such an advantage…

Was happy to read that Rafa Benitez is 100% convinced that Sergio Ramos is staying at Real Madrid. That means he will be sold to Manchester United on transfer deadline day. If only he could bring Ronaldo back with him.

BASKETBALL
I really don’t think I’m ready for the LeBron James Space Jam sequel. #DontMessWithaClassic

The Timberwolves may want to think twice about shipping Anthony Bennett out of town. He certainly looked like a confident big man in Canada‘s nail biting Pan Am win over Argentina. That’s what has been missing from Bennett’s NBA game so far. If two games are any measurement, head coach Jay Triano will have some tough decisions to make when picking Canada’s Olympic qualifying team next month. The improvement Canada Basketball has enjoyed over the last decade is remarkable. If only soccer in this country could match it.

New Lakers Lou Williams, Roy Hibbert and Brandon Bass haven’t spoken to Kobe Bryant yet? Sorry Byron Scott, but y’all in for a looooong season. Again.

NFL
How are there not more Olympians in the NFL? Buffalo Bills wide receiver Marquise Goodwin won the silver medal in long jump at the Pan Am Games yesterday. He hadn’t competed in track and field since London 2012! Goodwin may have his work cut out for him at camp next month. He did play just 10 games last season and will compete for a spot on the Bills roster, and Rex Ryan‘s admiration. I’d give him one simply based on how hard he works. Multi-tooled men like Goodwin don’t come around that often .