5 Things We Learned From The Prem After Matchweek 1

Saturday mornings used to be the most enjoyable part of my week.

Now, I feel like I’m watching my ex-girlfriend. She’s moved on with her life. She hangs with a completely different crowd now. And to be honest, she’s sexier than ever. While I wake up early Saturday mornings, to follow live tweets about a visit from Rotherham, or a trip to Huddersfield. #LifeAfterRelegation

Having spilled my feelings and bitterness to you, here are the five things we learned from a thrilling opening weekend to the 2016/17 Premier League season.

1) Conte figured out how to sell soccer to Americans
It didn’t work when Will Ferrell and Mike Ditka tried it in the highly underrated cult classic Kicking & Screaming. But 4-2-4 is the formation that continually teases the audience “there’s going to be a goal here!” Antonio Conte got his winner courtesy of a hungry, and mildly less petulant, Diego Costa.

Chelsea very much look like a team prepared to wear down their opponents over the course of a match, and pounce when the time is right. How Italian of them. They won’t win matches by many goals, but they will win many matches.

Watching Eden Hazard and Willian come off in a 1-1 game must have had most Chelsea fans thinking, “oh God. This guy’s just happy to win one point on his debut!” But all three subs looked inspired and really upped the pressure on West Ham‘s tired defense. I didn’t think we’d ever see Victor Moses in a Chelsea shirt again. He didn’t look half bad! And I’m talking about his play! Those Chelsea tops are awful.

Chelsea probably could have been more creative. Despite James Collins‘ fine equaliser, West Ham really didn’t seem up for it Monday night. Conte’s side would have had the opportunity to create more chances with Cesc Fabregas on the pitch instead of one of either N’Golo Kanté or Nemanja Matic.

Lucky for Conte, he’s got about 55 more matches to play around with things.

2) Man United have got their swagger back
We knew Manchester United would be a different side with José Mourinho running the show. And while it was just the season opener away to Bournemouth, it was clear to see that United have this aura about them that they haven’t had since winning the title three years ago. Scary to think what they’ll look like once Paul Pogba reintegrates himself back in to the team.

You can already see Zlatan Ibrahimovic‘s confidence wearing off on his teammates. In two matches now, they’ve played with a composure that was rarely noticeable under LVG.  Wayne Rooney wasn’t all that impressive, but he’s certainly been worse and if he gets his name on the scoresheet every time he plays a match like that, he’s going to keep his place in the side.

3) Wenger will panic buy on Deadline Day
Have we unknowingly stumbled on to a near decade-long conspiracy where Arsene Wenger leaves all his business until the last few days of the window so that Sky Sports can keep “Jim White Day” going?

I can’t remember the last time I didn’t read or hear “injury crisis” and “Arsenal” in the same sentence.  There’s a great game show brewing at The Emirates: “who’s this guy you’ve never heard of before in Wenger’s XI?” That game works for reading transfer rumours as well.

Buckle up and prepare to read endless unknowns from the lesser televised regions of Europe linked with a move to the Gunners. Or, maybe Wenger will just wait for captain Per Mertesacker to return from injury in five months.

Certainly Rob Holding deserved a better debut than that? Word was Francis Coquelin had been training next to Callum Chambers in pre-season. That could be the centreback pairing when Arsenal visit champions Leicester in Saturday’s late kickoff.

4) Children’s crests are SO in right now
Not to enrage all you Manchester City and West Ham supporters. You’re an incredibly passionate and loyal bunch. Your teams have real history and tradition. So why on earth have the badges become so simplistic they look like they were designed on Snapchat?

5) Hull will not be relegated on zero points
Fueled by the last placed predictions of everyone from Hull to Hong Kong, and the presence of the champions in the first Premier League match of this new season, the Tigers showed us that magic isn’t reserved simply for Leicester. I thought a Leicester win was the lock of the weekend. Clearly I know nothing. And Claudio Ranieri meant it when he said, “staying up is the focus.”

NOTABLE MENTION
Pep Guardiola doesn’t have the Hart for Shrewsbury Joe. Really don’t know why he would wait til the start of the season to send that message to Hart, everyone watching, and most importantly, clubs with a goalkeeper to sell. Willy Caballero will do the trick for now. He genuinely appears to relish the role of sweeper keeper. But expect a bigger name to walk in to The Etihad before the window closes.

Jürgen Klopp didn’t realise he hired his doppelgänger when he convinced fitness coach Andreas Kornmayer to trade Bavaria for Merseyside. Or, more likely, Klopp knew that having Kornmayer around would help protect him from angry players and fans when these three-a-day training sessions put half the squad on the disabled list. One of them must drive a Saab still, right? #ArchitectsGlasses

Watch out Gary Lineker: Andy Townsend is coming for you mate! And he didn’t even need to take his clothes off.

I really enjoyed the Premier League Productions ‘Matchday Live’ half-time and post-match set up with just Townsend and former Canadian Owen Hargreaves standing in a poshy looking footballer’s cottage, speaking about Chelsea and West Ham like a couple of pros just bantering All that was missing was a couple of pints on that monitor/table. Though now that hosts have been replaced from host-worthy analysts, I better re-start the “backup” career plans…

2016/17 Premier League season preview (1-5)

5) ARSENAL
This is the year Arsene Wenger doesn’t win his “fourth place trophy.” And the Frenchman has absolutely no one to blame but himself.

The Gunners seem willing to spend more and more every window, but they don’t. Partly because they aren’t willing to overpay, leave that to team’s like Juventus. But increasingly because Arsenal is not the attractive destination it should be. London and playing in the Champions League have plenty of appeal yes, but finishing second last year was as damaging to Arsenal’s ambitions as any finish since Wenger arrived.

As unfair as it may be, with Chelsea, United and City‘s inabilities last season the title was Arsenal’s to lose. And that they did.

Granit Xhaka is a nifty player, but not what they needed. Defensively Arsenal could be in as much trouble to start this year as they were that season they bought Per Mertesacker and that fat Brasilian on the final day of the summer window. On paper this is a top side. But why gamble again that Jack Wilshere, Theo Walcott, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Danny Welbeck and Santi Cazorla will be fit to contribute for any more than a COMBINED 38 matches?

Mesut Özil and Alexis Sanchez are unfairly forced to carry too much of the load, while Olivier Giroud is being set up to fail. And most Gooners will tell you he doesn’t need any help with that.

This is supposed to be Wenger’s last season at The Emirates, and by the end of it I think he will regret not retiring after that second FA Cup win.

4) TOTTENHAM
Finishing above Arsenal is the equivalent of winning the league, isn’t it?

For months I critised Tottenham for “playing above their weight” and slammed their inconsistencies. I didn’t come around until it was actually a two horse title race. I was happy at that point to admit I was completely wrong. But how did Spurs finish the season? By looking exactly like a team that had been playing better than they really were for months and couldn’t cut it in the end with the pressure as high as could be. They will never get that close again. But, the future looks fantastic.

Preparing to open a new 60,000 seat stadium moreso than having learned from wasteful purchases, Daniel Levy was unusually quiet this summer. Reading Mauricio Pochettino‘s quotes this pre-season, the Argentine thinks he has best team Tottenham have ever put out on the pitch. He wanted Victor Wanyama last season, and now he’s got him, increasing squad depth while making Spurs more difficult to score on. 22 year old Vincent Janssen joined from AZ Alkmaar for a pricey £17 million but should take some of the scoring load off Harry Kane. Both seem like “very” Pochettino purchases, which might explain why head of recruitment Paul Mitchell quit.

Champions League nights at Wembley will be a real treat for the Spurs faithful.

Eric Dier should follow up his coming-out season with an even better campaign, having had a great experience at Euro 2016. While Kane and Deli Alli will hope to play as well as they did in a Spurs shirt last season, and nothing like the way they played with an England one on.

This is England’s team. Maybe that’s why I’m not sold?

3) MANCHESTER CITY
Sheikh Mansour made no secret of the Abu Dhabi United’s Group’s intentions when they purchased Manchester City and changed the landscape of English football overnight. This is what they were building towards. This is the dream they envisioned. I don’t know if this was the squad Pep thought he would have to work with when he accepted the job last winter, but so be it.

This will be Pep Guardiola‘s toughest challenge yet. When he arrived at Bayern he inherited treble winners. At City, he has inherited a very expensive collection of players and assembled a fantasy football XI. İlkay Gündoğan will be an instant superstar, if he can actually string together a good run of matches. Nolito showed his worth during Spain’s brief run at Euro 2016. Clearly management thought if they paid £50 million they would get the John Stones from 2014/15, and not the one that played last season and probably isn’t worth half that. But hey, at least Martin Demichelis is gone!

Kevin De Bruyne is the perfect player to build a team around. Sergio Agüero might be the best (proper) striker Pep has ever had. David Silva should flourish, and Pep might actually be able to get the best out of Jesus Navas.

Mistake-free possession football might never be a thing at The Etihad this season. But as long as City challenge for the title and build off a hugely impressive Champions League semi-final appearance, Mansour’s master plan will continue to move in the right direction.

And at the risk of never being served a drink at the Man City Supporters Club of Toronto again, why did they change the crest? It looks like a children’s team logo.

2) MANCHESTER UNITED
Let the José Mourinho era begin! The Special One was given his dream job and wasted little time inspiring the fan-base with the feeling that winning would return to Old Trafford. Spending £89 million on one player will do that.

Even before Paul Pogba arrived, I had picked Manchester United in my Top 3. They were close to a Champions League place last season, playing under a manager that never once knew what he wanted. Mourinho only wants to win, and doesn’t care what it takes to do it. He will quickly have to find the best use for Pogba, because the Frenchman’s place has such a ripple effect on the entire squad. Playing him on the wing with Wayne Rooney employed behind new boy Zlatan Ibahimovic serving as the lone striker may be the best option. But that leaves Henrikh Mkhitaryan out, and that might be José’s biggest headache this season. Well, that and the Manchester media following him around town.

I wonder what Mourinho thinks of the statisticians at the University of Salford that used math to conclude the signings of Pogba and Ibra were worth 10 more points. Their tests revealed the pair increased United’s chances of winning the title by 4%. You know what everyone always says, “the Premier League needs more math!”

It’s funny to read so much of criticism of Ibrahimovic, that he doesn’t have much left in the tank. He climbed up over Wes Morgan with ease to get his head on that Community Shield winning goal. The only player stronger than Morgan I think, is his Leicester teammate Jeffrey Schlupp. Ibra scored 38 league goals last season. Surely he can bag 15 in his Premier League debut season.

I expect to see a very different Mourinho this year. One that isn’t as quick to make headlines. One that selectively picks fights with his rivals. From an entertainment perspective, this could be the most boring year with Mourinho working in the Premier League. But that’s strictly off the pitch and between matches. On the pitch, United will be “must watch TV” every single week.

1) CHELSEA
This really wasn’t an easy choice for me. I sat and debated for the longest time. But in the end, Antonio Conte is the ultimate X-factor. He has made a career of getting new jobs because of his ability to achieve success, with very little at his disposal. Have you seen Chelsea‘s back-line?

This is an aging squad that grossly underachieved for half of last season. But if there’s a man to get Eden Hazard, Diego Costa, Cesc Fabregas and Nemanja Matic to play to their full potential, it’s absolutely Antonio Conte.

Hazard looked inspired and hungry in pre-season. Perhaps fueled by Belgium‘s disappointment at Euro 2016? Great player to have in your side. Costa knows he is on a short leash and this is his last opportunity to keep his big paycheque. Fabregas still has the quality to be one of the best midfielders in the Premier League. And it looks like he also shares the same “hair guy” as his new manager?

It’s a good thing Conte has the best hair plugs in the world because Chelsea’s defense is likely to stress him out a bit. As always he will rely on a back three. N’Golo Kanté, Matic and Thibaut Courtois may find it tiring to play four men down every Saturday.

Jokes aside, defense is Chelsea’s biggest weakness heading in to this season. But for all John Terry and Gary Cahill‘s faults, they can succeed with the simplified system Conte will employ. That’s what Kanté brings and why he was such a priority. £32 million will prove to be a bargain.

The price paid for Michy Batshuayi surprised many, and so will his play this year. The Belgian was an unknown to anyone but avid Ligue 1 viewers before Euro 2016. He’s 22-years-old, still very much a raw talent and was the fourth leading goalscorer in France last season, potting 17 for Marseille. Forwards from L’OM have a history of playing well at Stamford Bridge. They do not need to overpay to bring Romelu Lukaku back.

Roman Abramovich took a big risk appointing Conte. This is a man that happily confronted disapproving Ultras while managing Atalanta. He is afraid of nothing, except maybe failure. But he hasn’t experienced that in years. Tip for Chelsea’s Ultras: don’t mess with Conte!

Thanks for reading my 2016/17 Premier League season preview series! Be sure to listen to the weekly Soccer Central podcast. Follow me on twitter, instagram and SnapChat: @brendan_dunlop

2016/17 Premier League Season preview

It feels like it was only two weeks ago that Leicester City were crowned champions after the most incredible season in the history of team sports. But here we are on the brink of a brand new Premier League campaign.

Gone is the Barclays sponsorship, which means no one will ever have to call it “The BPL” again. And gone too are two of the biggest clubs in England. But in come three new manager’s at three of the biggest clubs in the world. Two of which, ply their trade off the continent for the very first time.

José Mourinho wasted little time putting his stamp on Manchester United spending a world record £89 million to bring Paul Pogba back to Old Trafford. But don’t expect Zlatan Ibrahimovic to let that take any shine off his first season in the Prem.

As hard as he will try, Pep Guardiola is certain to get drawn in to a spat with his longtime and now cross-town rival. Coming off their worst season in recent years, there’s a lot of pressure on Manchester City to bounce back quickly. They have some good pieces, but this will be Pep’s most difficult challenge yet.

Arsene Wenger must be saving all his business for the last week of the transfer window. Meaning, I might as well write one of these again in three weeks. Either that or, he thinks he actually has a strong enough side to compete this season?

And how can Claudio Ranieri and co. follow up last season?

Over the next few days I will preview all 20 Premier League clubs and predict exactly where I think they will finish come season’s end. Because pre-season predictions are always a good idea.

The Soccer Central podcast is back. James Sharman, Thomas Dobby and I got back in the studio Tuesday to preview the brand new season. Have a listen here, or download the pod weekly on iTunes.

The Special One finds his special place

What a time to be alive.

It took longer than he wanted, but José Mourinho finally has his dream job.

Following in the steps of one man in over his head, and another whose head was so far up in the clouds he often couldn’t see what was going on around him, the 53 year-old was hired to return “football’s most storied club” to the glory years enjoyed under Sir Alex Ferguson.

Remember this is the guy that was once arrested for obstructing animal health officials and police from quarantining his dog.

I’m not saying this isn’t the right move for both parties. I’ve been waiting for this appointment since Fergie announced his retirement. I just fully understand why it took so long, and why not everyone in the Manchester United hierarchy believes Mourinho deserves this job.

If Manchester City didn’t hire Pep Guardiola, this article is about PSG‘s new fiery skip “L’un Homme Spécial.”

In many ways this is heartbreaking for United. Gone are the days when they could sit on their thrown atop the mountain while their “noisy neighbours” struggled quite hilariously to climb the grassy slopes, like a Range Rover Evoque with summer tyres. Now City actions force United reactions. And this is by far the best move possible.

Mourinho has charisma and a personality like few others in professional sports. Everywhere José has been he makes enemies. But he is beloved by tens of millions. He can make average players look great. He terrorizes the minds of his opposition. And he is always going to leave us with a great quote.

But while his CV is envied by every manager, Jose’s act is a tired one. Owners have quit on him. Players have quit on him. Very few managers are successful at the very top for more than ten years.

Mourinho won six league titles and the Champions League twice between 2002 and 2010. Since then he has won just two league crowns and left two clubs a complete mess. And no I am not a Barca favouring Spanish journalist. I was referring to Inter.

In English football’s 128 year history, only four managers have won the league with more than one club. Tom Watson, Herbert Chapman, Brian Clough and Kenny Dalglish.

Won’t stop millions from running to the betting shops to put a wager on the Red Devils, with only the Europa League to distract them this season. And José will become the fifth. Just in his second season, of course.

At United winning is just expected. It’s how you win that is the most important thing.

Louis van Gaal was feverishly criticized by the United faithful for not playing attractive football. Mourinho has made a career of filling trophy cabinets 1-0. And not the exciting Leicester way. But the way that empowers your soccer hating friends to say “this is supposed to be one of the best sawker teams around and they can only score one goal in an hour and a half?”

Mou has many detractors to win over. Several wear the suits that argued for weeks about his image rights. A few more are in the dressing room he will walk in to like he owns. It’s a good thing he has the entire pre-season to put his stamp on things.

So now we wait for Zlatan Ibrahimovic to make his way to the red side of Manchester. “Came as a king. Left as an assistant manager?” as one so eloquently said on Football Weekly in reference to rumour that José was going to bring Ibra to Old Trafford, but not as a player. Now there’s someone that Pep Guardiola would love to poke in the eye during a touch line skirmish.

Tough break for Juan Mata. Was the best player in the Premier League four years ago. José shows up, ships him out and he’s been trying to kill the unfair reputation of being a “Chelsea failure” ever since. Rumours of Mata for Willian have already started. Jesse Lingard doesn’t stand a chance of keeping a spot in the first team now. Adnan Januzaj is begging Borussia Dortmund to come save him. Marcus Rashford is… Naw. Rashford is good. He’s an England man now!

Or maybe, José Mourinho has in fact changed. Maybe he will give young players a chance to establish themselves. Maybe he will bite his tongue when opposing managers rile him up. Maybe he will instruct his players to put on a show for their loyal supporters.

Whether Mourinho’s tenure at Old Trafford mirrors Fergie’s or not, there is one guarantee in all of this: it will be worth watching.

5 Things To Watch In The Prem This Weekend – Mar. 5

Did you know that since the start of 2016, Chelsea have picked up 19 points. No club has won more and only Spurs have matched that. Looks like you’ve found your Golden Guus Roman. Sure you want to roll the dice with Conte?

1) Can Saturday’s North London derby match the hype of being “the biggest one ever”?
It would be wrong for me to make such a claim, having not lived through the legendary days before football was invented in 1992. But, having watched the Premier League for nearly 20 years I can confidently say, there has never been more on the line for both clubs and this rivalry, than there is on Saturday. So, step right up for your first Premier League match of the season Mr. David Ospina. Oh boy. At least he has won at White Hart Lane this season. But, no one will remember that Capital One Cup victory in September if Arsenal don’t take all three points and draw level with Tottenham in second place.

Mauricio Pochettino bullishly claims his players don’t feel the pressure of a title race. While I don’t believe he is telling the truth, based on that logic then Spurs just need to play; Arsenal need to win. That couldn’t be more true. While Spurs would still lead Arsenal on goal differential with a loss, the 6 point gap that Arsenal would be staring at if they aren’t victorious will be insurmountable based on their current form. Arsenal have lost three straight across all competitions for the first time since April 2010. And from Alexis Sanchez has to say, they’re not doing so well with the mental game either. “Sometimes, we lack this hunger to believe that we can be champions … to go out on to the pitch feeling that we are already winning 1-0.” Wow.

2) Will Leicester stumble at Vicarage Road?
Watford have played some incredible football in their first season back. Odion Ighalo and Troy Deeney have made the doubters eat their relegation predictions. But for as threatening as The Hornets’ dynamic duo can be, they did lose at home to Arsenal, Tottenham, Manchester City and Manchester United this season. And I have a hard time arguing that any of those four are better than Leicester at the moment. It is unbelievable that a 2-2 draw at West Brom was still good enough to see Ranieri and Co. increase their lead at the top. That scenario will not happen again. Don’t fox this up Leicester.

3) How many goals will Manchester City put passed Aston Villa?
How quickly life can change in a month. Man City were three points back of league leading Leicester after their 1-0 win at Sunderland on Feb. 2nd. Thanks to three straight losses, they’re now 10 points off the pace. And worse, in danger of being leapfrogged by Manchester United and dropping out of the top four. Can Man City avoid their longest Premier League losing streak in seven years? Absolutely.

Aston Villa have re-written the manual on “how to be allergic to defense” this season. Their midweek display against Everton encapsulated this entire, agonizing season. Considering Villa have lost eight straight Premier League trips to The Etihad, Saturday will only prove to be another stab to the heart for a fanbase that does not deserve this level of suffering.

If you haven’t read my friend Kristian Jack’s piece written after his heartbreaking trip to Villa Park midweek, you should.

4) Is this the weekend Marcus Rashford books his ticket to France?
Funny that Roy Hodgson said, “I have been watching Rashford for two years” but LVG didn’t even know who Rashford was. The England boss will be in attendance at The Hawthorns with his coaching staff, keen to see “Red Rash” in the flash. Not bad for a kid that was playing Under-16s just 14 months ago. In fact, he’s only played twice at U-16 and U-18 level. After a stellar 260 minutes of football, Rashford is guaranteed to be rewarded with his first call-up to Gareth Southgate’s Under-21s for their Euro qualifier later this month in Switzerland. And he’s “the next Cristiano Ronaldo.” Well, if you read the English papers…

5) Can West Brom tiki-taka their way to victory over Manchester United?
I don’t know if Tony Pulis was abducted by aliens, or recently read Pep Guardiola‘s autobiography and thought, “man oh man. THIS is the way to play!” But, I really like what I’m seeing from West Brom at the moment. And I don’t think I’m alone.

In two outings the Baggies have bagged five. I’m sure LVG has made his defenders relentlessly study video of West Brom’s lethal “S & S & S”. Since being allowed to play together, Stéphane Sessègnon, Saido Berahino and Salomón Rondón have turned The Baggies from a forgettable, often painful side to watch, into one you actually expect a bit of magic from. The Venezuelan had his way with Robert Huth midweek. United’s collaboration of questionable defenders don’t stand a bloody chance.

5 Things We Learned From The Prem This Weekend – Feb. 29

1) Arsene Wenger hates football
Can you blame him? There is zero journalism behind that claim, but it’s a pretty fair assumption. The Frenchman has been close on several occasions since The Invincibles made him seemingly invincible. But Arsenal proved AGAIN, even with Manchester United‘s reserves in front of them, they can’t find another gear and couldn’t break their curse at Old Trafford. Where was the desire? Just one win in 14 trips north to the red side of Manchester. Unable to pull off a league double over United for the first time in nine seasons. And worse, unable to keep pace with their North London rivals who seem as hungry as Leonardo Di Caprio to tell you about the dangers of climate change.

2) Manchester United’s best player is 18 years old
Well, so much for the debate about “do United need Wayne Rooney as much as Wayne Rooney needs United.” You know who enjoyed that match even more than Spurs supporters and Marcus Rashford‘s mum? Chinese football. All of it. Anyone in the world’s most populous country that has anything to do with football. Because, what United and the rest of the world learned in Rooney’s absence on Sunday, was that United don’t need to pay over £300k a week for a player that used to score a ton of goals.

I’m not saying Rashford is “the saviour” United have been searching for since Sir Alex retired. Nor am I saying England will win Euro 2016 this summer with Rashford, Jamie Vardy and Saido Berahino leading the attack. But it’s pretty remarkable, and a bit depressing if you’re a Red Devils supporter, that Rashford has scored as many goals in two matches as Radamel Falcao managed to bag in 29 games. The papers won’t let Jose Mourinho hear the end of it when he sends Rashford on-loan to Sporting Braga next season…

3) The King Power Stadium is the most atmospheric ground in all the land
Is there any place you’d rather be on a matchday? Everyone in that ground knew a winner was coming. The combined feeling of relief, joy and ecstasy when Leo Ulloa bagged the winner was transmitted through the TV as prominently as nonsense from the mouth of Donald Trump.

4) West Brom love to play entertaining football
Well, watch out on Tuesday Leicester! Tony Pulis has a new found affinity for entertaining, attacking football. Starting proven frontman is a key to capitalizing on tiki taka. Three goals in 19 minutes. Who are these Baggies?

5) Branislav Ivanovic isn’t completely useless
Well done to Fraser Forster for going 708 minutes without allowing a goal. After Shane Long put the Saints in front, I thought that was it for Chelsea. But I was wrong. And I was wrong about Branislav Ivanovic. Honorary armband or not, he still has value for a club like Chelsea. He just hated Jose Mourinho.

NOTABLE MENTION
I’ll end with the priceless advice Manuel Pellegrini left us with in Manchester City’s Capital One Cup triumph over Liverpool: Sometimes it is better to trust your Willy instead of your Hart.

5 Moves I Want To See On Deadline Day

Happy Jim White day!

5) Moussa Dembélé to Spurs 
Because isn’t it hilarious when a club has two players with the same name? I am sure I’m not the only one that read that link this week and thought “when did Spurs sell him back to Fulham?”  I haven’t watched much of Fulham since their departure from the bright lights of the Premier League, but The Cottagers seem hell bent on denying Tottenham the shirt printing nightmare of employing the name twins.

Easy to understand, Fulham may find themselves playing League One football next season if they don’t bulge the old onion bag on a more consistent basis. The 19 year-old French Dembélé has bagged 11 goals this season and will surely earn himself a summer move if the two London clubs can’t agree on something today.

4) Anyone of quality to Aston Villa 
You knew that one was coming. Villa are apparently still hot for Arsenal‘s Mathieu Debuchy, and while the Frenchman would be a massive upgrade at right-back, it’s a goalscorer Remi Garde really needs to find before 23:00 GMT. But I fear he won’t be able to convince one, that anyone has ever heard of, that the cause is worth joining. He should take a stab at Aiden McGeady who is desperate for playing time ahead of Euro 2016. Doesn’t anyone have a phone number for Demba Ba?

Rumours of captain Micah Richards leaving for Sunderland are unsettling. I fear it will be an uneventful day in Birmingham.  Unless Birmingham City re-sign Christophe Dugarry. He is only 43.

3) Loic Rémy to Newcastle
I enjoyed one of the best weekends of my life in Newcastle, but I don’t have as much of an affinity towards Newcastle Untied as my previous podcast predictions might suggest. I do however understand the devastation that losing both northeast giants and Villa would be for the English game.  Loic Rémy still has plenty to offer, as he’s already shown on Tyneside. Steve McLaren has spent wisely since taking over and a move to bring the French frontman back up north should surely pull the Magpies out of this relegation dog fight.

2) Lavezzi to Manchester United 
The fans are demanding action today, and Louis van Gaal is terrified he’s going to lose his job. He will by season’s end, which is exactly why sadly I think it’s unlikely United make a big move today. But since PSG‘s forgotten forward has decided that China really isn’t the place for him, despite the Asamoah Gyan-type money Beijing Guoan were prepared to pay him, maybe a move to Manchester is in the cards today. Out of contract at season’s end, he wouldn’t cost the premium that his quality should garner. And it’s no secret United are dying for a creative player that can electrify Old Trafford, like the good old days.

1) Neymar to Real Madrid
The idea of Barcelona selling the son of the world’s richest footballer’s dad mid-season is ridiculous. But the idea of Flo Perez throwing every commodity at his disposal for the apple of his eye (of the week) would keep the Spanish papers operating at pre-austerity measure highs for months. And since Real won’t have the usual luxury of buying whomever they like in upcoming windows, why not meet Neymar‘s €180 million release clause?

It may take less a few Mediterranean islands to convince the Brasilian to make the turncoat move Luis Figo made sixteen years ago. I think Neymar would love the opportunity to be the top man. Of course, that would mean Cristiano Ronaldo returns to Manchester United. And that, for any fan that enjoys watching Premier League football, would be magical.

5 Things We Learned From The Prem This Weekend – Jan. 18

1) LVG’s self confidence swings on a pendulum
A month ago Louis van Gaal didn’t think he was fit for the job. Now after a five game unbeaten run, he sees his team in a title race. Not everyone else does, but just seven points back of Arsenal there’s plenty more reason to be optimistic at Old Trafford. Even nine points wouldn’t be insurmountable, I mean there is still plenty of football left to be played. But this team isn’t capable of winning the title. Even with Wayne Rooney‘s regained scoring form. He single handily can carry United to a Top 4 finish, and that is a title in itself.

2) Eight minutes of stoppage time is a real thing
Once found in only the degenerate tales of frustrated Qatar Stars League gamblers, Mike Jones showed us something as rare as a unicorn dressed as a Mountie. (That’s a Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer, for those who don’t get the reference.) He didn’t see that John Terry was offside before he put his cheeky flick passed Tim Howard. But hey if eight minutes is the standard for a six goal second half, then I hope we see many more matches like that.

3) Leicester will play out the season like a Jose Mourinho side
If there was any doubt that Leicester have retired the swashbuckling, no fear football that had them top of the table at Christmas, Saturday’s trip to Villa Park confirmed it. The Foxes were the better side in the first half and deserved leaders, although they missed a penalty. Aston Villa were the better side in the second half, and should’ve had a penalty. How Roger East didn’t see Robert Huth throwing his sharp German elbow through the face of Libor Kozák as a clear cut penalty, I’ll never understand. But when the ball struck Rudy Gestede’s hand in the build-up to his equalising goal East could’ve blown up and stopped play. So maybe Villa are finally going to get some good fortune they’re long overdue.

But what surprised me most was Leicester’s lack of urgency in the final 10 minutes. Vardy had a real chance to win it, but apart from that Leicester seemed fully content to wait for a counter-attacking opportunity. There was no rush to get the ball back in play or pressure Villa off it. Exactly the opposite of the team that ran the table in the fall. But fully reflective of a side that will only take calculated risks to protect their position. Claudio Ranieri won’t see Saturday’s match as two points dropped, but top spot regained. He should be disappointed.

4) Arsene Wenger thinks far more of football fans than he should
The Frenchman has been around long enough to know that no matter how much Premier League match tickets cost, a large percentage of attending supporters will never be mature role models. Stoke’s chants of “Aaron Ramsey, he walks with a limp” rattled Wenger to the core. Or, maybe he was taking a page out of Jose Mourinho‘s book and distracting attention from how poorly his team played. The Britannia is a difficult ground to win at, but after watching Leicester drop points at Villa Park on Saturday, Arsenal need to play with a lethal urgency and control what they can if they’re going to be champions come May.

5) Spending money is scary. But you’ve got to do it
One can only imagine the relief Eddie Howe felt when Benik Afobe found the back of the net on his Cherries debut. The future England boss hasn’t hid his concern about Bournemouth‘s record spending this month. And while the £10 million it cost to bring Afobe down from Wolves will only be justified when they stay up come May, Bournemouth showed just how much better they are than Norwich and continue to pull away from the bigger, more established clubs whose struggles seem never ending. Sunderland.

NOTABLE MENTION
Swansea did something few others have been able to this season: shut down Odion Ighalo and Troy Deeney. It’s a massive three points for a club that may not regret sacking Garry Monk mid-season after the odd, yet incredibly exciting appointment of Francesco Guidolin. But I think Swansea will rue the decision to sell Jonjo Shelvey to Newcastle. He seems exactly the type of player you want in a desperate fight. He’s walked right in to Steve McLaren‘s side and will most certainly help Newcastle in theirs.

Full credit to Mark Bunn for making the very most of his opportunity with Aston Villa toiling away at the bottom. Having hardly seen any action since leaving Norwich in the summer, Bunn followed up a fortunate clean sheet with an admirable performance against a title challenger. His penalty save on Riyad Mahrez yielded one of the loan positive Villa appearances on MOTD all season.

Kevin Mirallas is a game changer. On his day. I’ll never get tired of seeing quality goals like that. Mirallas is a player that deserves more regular football, but if he can’t earn it consistently at a club like Everton, he’ll struggle to get in to the Belgium squad this summer.

5 Things To Watch In The Prem This Weekend – Jan. 16

1) Is LVG changing his ways?
United fans were beside themselves watching Tuesday’s 3-3 draw up on Tyneside. Not because relegation threatened Newcastle fought their way back from 2-0 down, but because LVG attempted to beat the Magpies with something very popular among forward thinking managers who are not him: pace. A trip to Anfield facing a side on the brink of setting a Guinness World record for group hamstring injuries, is a great time to employ it. Playing Anthony Martial and Jesse Lingaard made United a real threat and if Wayne Rooney continues to score goals, the Red Devils will find it easier to string together performances that will yield results AND silence their critical fanbase.

2) Do Tottenham want to win the league as much as Sunderland want to stay in it?
Completely valid question. Would never have expected Sunderland to win at Swansea, and I know they were the beneficiary of some questionable officiating. Not to mention Jermain Defoe performing like he’s 25. And losing 1-0 to a fellow title rival is usually nothing to hang your head about. But if Spurs are legit title contenders, it’s not Leicester they can be excused for dropping points against. I don’t believe they are in a title race. But Mauricio Pochettino has all the pieces to make a Top 4 run this spring, and given the failures of bigger teams around them have little excuse for not doing so.

3) Can Everton finally win at Stamford Bridge?
They may never be in a better position to do something they haven’t been able to in 21 trips to West London. Everton‘s draw away to Man City midweek was not just a valuable point taken off a title contender, but in fact the first scoreless draw at The Etihad since 2010. That’s no small feat. Considering Chelsea have wanted to buy Everton’s entire backline in recent years, it will be a real challenge for Diego Costa and Co. to find the back of the net. Despite their six match unbeaten run since Jose Mourinho‘s departure, the Blues are just six points up on Sunderland and Guus Hiddink seems well aware of the disastrous possibility of being pulled into a relegation battle with a trip to The Emirates next on the calendar.

4) Will Leicester regain their scoring touch?
A trip to Villa on Saturday will reveal Leicester‘s true identity. I know that sounds crazy, but so does the fact that The Foxes have scored just one goal in their last four matches. Leicester look increasingly aware of their position. They’re playing tighter and taking less risk than they were to start the season. Leicester won’t outscore their opposition by three or four anymore. But they’re fully capable of doing so against Villa. If they want to.

5) Will West Ham fans ever tire of Jonjo Shelvey’s resemblance to Voldemort?
I know it isn’t nice to tease someone about their lack of attractiveness. But there is something continually hilarious about West Ham fans chanting “Harry Potter is coming for you!” every time Jonjo Shelvey takes the pitch against their beloved Hammers. The travelling few will certainly make the most of their opportunity when Shelvey makes his Newcastle debut. Expected to fit right in to Steve McLaren‘s side, Shelvey provides a huge boost to The Magpies survival hopes. Exactly what went wrong at Swansea will likely never come out, and despite the suggestions that Shelvey thinks rather highly of himself, he is a talented footballer that has a lot to contribute. Particularly when the fighting gets rough.

5 Things To Watch For In The Prem – Dec. 28

1) Win or lose, will Louis van Gaal be Manchester United’s manager Tuesday morning?
You may have heard, Manchester United haven’t won in seven. Even worse they’ve lost four in a row for the first time since 1961. And apparently, LVG wants out but his bosses won’t let him walk. Sounds like a movie script.

Even before Sunday’s reports, I didn’t see how LVG could survive another loss. He proved as recently as Brasil 2014 he can squeeze the best out of players. But not on a day-to-day club level. Jose Mourinho famously said years ago that national team jobs are for old men. LVG’s time at United is proof.

The squad has grown tired of his constant tinkering and self doubt. At best LVG has made United functional. At worst? Catastrophic. Expecting that to be sustainable is insane. And collectively, they’re just not good enough.

Doesn’t mean United can’t beat Chelsea 1-0. But either way, LVG has passed his best before date in club football. Time to kick back Louis. Lounge at the cabin in the Dutch countryside and wait for the right African country to pick up the phone and beg you to help them win in Russia. My money is on Algeria. Sorry Christian Gourcuff.

2) Guus 2.0
Guus Hiddink‘s situation is no where near as dire as his countryman’s. He knows he’s only back temporarily, as do the supporters. But Hiddink has been tasked with steering the club back towards the right direction. I wouldn’t want that gig. Chelsea will spend plenty next month. This result could go a long way in deciding who needs to come in, and who’s good enough to stay. Cesc Fabregas is expected to miss the match with a fever. Guus is probably better off.

3) Will Wayne Rooney start from the bench again?
One would assume no, but who really knows with this team right now. I’ve said all season long on the Soccer Central podcast that Rooney only features in that side because of his weekly wage bill and his previous accomplishments. But in 45 minutes at The Britannia on Saturday, he was the best forward thinking player in a United shirt. That’s really saying something about Memphis, Martial, Mata and Fellaini. They sound like a shitty skaw band. They were a shitty Premier League attack Saturday at Stoke. Mark Hughes said that United squad lacks character. That’s an understatement right now.

4) Will Arsenal return to the top of the table?
Hard to believe after Saturday’s failures on the south coast that they can with three points at home to Bournemouth. This is exactly the type of match Arsenal need to win convincingly to be champions come May. But they looked completely exhausted on Saturday. So, give Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Calum Chambers and Alex Iwobi starts? All three looked good off the bench. The Cherries are unbeaten in six and will play with nothing to lose. Great. This could be the most enjoyable match of the day.

5) Can Aston Villa finally win a match?
Call Monday’s tilt at Carrow Road ‘The Relegation Bowl.’ Or don’t. But that’s what it is. Three points in their last four should be impressive for post-Martin O’Neill Villa. But Remi Garde can’t settle for sharing the points anymore.

In those three 1-1 draws Villa showed, contrary to popular belief, that they are capable of putting the ball in the back of the net. They desperately need to more times than Norwich on Monday. Villa have won their last four with The Canaries. Three came at Carrow Road. So maybe, just maybe, Villa can find a way to win for the first time since opening day.