2016/17 Premier League season preview (1-5)

5) ARSENAL
This is the year Arsene Wenger doesn’t win his “fourth place trophy.” And the Frenchman has absolutely no one to blame but himself.

The Gunners seem willing to spend more and more every window, but they don’t. Partly because they aren’t willing to overpay, leave that to team’s like Juventus. But increasingly because Arsenal is not the attractive destination it should be. London and playing in the Champions League have plenty of appeal yes, but finishing second last year was as damaging to Arsenal’s ambitions as any finish since Wenger arrived.

As unfair as it may be, with Chelsea, United and City‘s inabilities last season the title was Arsenal’s to lose. And that they did.

Granit Xhaka is a nifty player, but not what they needed. Defensively Arsenal could be in as much trouble to start this year as they were that season they bought Per Mertesacker and that fat Brasilian on the final day of the summer window. On paper this is a top side. But why gamble again that Jack Wilshere, Theo Walcott, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Danny Welbeck and Santi Cazorla will be fit to contribute for any more than a COMBINED 38 matches?

Mesut Özil and Alexis Sanchez are unfairly forced to carry too much of the load, while Olivier Giroud is being set up to fail. And most Gooners will tell you he doesn’t need any help with that.

This is supposed to be Wenger’s last season at The Emirates, and by the end of it I think he will regret not retiring after that second FA Cup win.

4) TOTTENHAM
Finishing above Arsenal is the equivalent of winning the league, isn’t it?

For months I critised Tottenham for “playing above their weight” and slammed their inconsistencies. I didn’t come around until it was actually a two horse title race. I was happy at that point to admit I was completely wrong. But how did Spurs finish the season? By looking exactly like a team that had been playing better than they really were for months and couldn’t cut it in the end with the pressure as high as could be. They will never get that close again. But, the future looks fantastic.

Preparing to open a new 60,000 seat stadium moreso than having learned from wasteful purchases, Daniel Levy was unusually quiet this summer. Reading Mauricio Pochettino‘s quotes this pre-season, the Argentine thinks he has best team Tottenham have ever put out on the pitch. He wanted Victor Wanyama last season, and now he’s got him, increasing squad depth while making Spurs more difficult to score on. 22 year old Vincent Janssen joined from AZ Alkmaar for a pricey £17 million but should take some of the scoring load off Harry Kane. Both seem like “very” Pochettino purchases, which might explain why head of recruitment Paul Mitchell quit.

Champions League nights at Wembley will be a real treat for the Spurs faithful.

Eric Dier should follow up his coming-out season with an even better campaign, having had a great experience at Euro 2016. While Kane and Deli Alli will hope to play as well as they did in a Spurs shirt last season, and nothing like the way they played with an England one on.

This is England’s team. Maybe that’s why I’m not sold?

3) MANCHESTER CITY
Sheikh Mansour made no secret of the Abu Dhabi United’s Group’s intentions when they purchased Manchester City and changed the landscape of English football overnight. This is what they were building towards. This is the dream they envisioned. I don’t know if this was the squad Pep thought he would have to work with when he accepted the job last winter, but so be it.

This will be Pep Guardiola‘s toughest challenge yet. When he arrived at Bayern he inherited treble winners. At City, he has inherited a very expensive collection of players and assembled a fantasy football XI. İlkay Gündoğan will be an instant superstar, if he can actually string together a good run of matches. Nolito showed his worth during Spain’s brief run at Euro 2016. Clearly management thought if they paid £50 million they would get the John Stones from 2014/15, and not the one that played last season and probably isn’t worth half that. But hey, at least Martin Demichelis is gone!

Kevin De Bruyne is the perfect player to build a team around. Sergio Agüero might be the best (proper) striker Pep has ever had. David Silva should flourish, and Pep might actually be able to get the best out of Jesus Navas.

Mistake-free possession football might never be a thing at The Etihad this season. But as long as City challenge for the title and build off a hugely impressive Champions League semi-final appearance, Mansour’s master plan will continue to move in the right direction.

And at the risk of never being served a drink at the Man City Supporters Club of Toronto again, why did they change the crest? It looks like a children’s team logo.

2) MANCHESTER UNITED
Let the José Mourinho era begin! The Special One was given his dream job and wasted little time inspiring the fan-base with the feeling that winning would return to Old Trafford. Spending £89 million on one player will do that.

Even before Paul Pogba arrived, I had picked Manchester United in my Top 3. They were close to a Champions League place last season, playing under a manager that never once knew what he wanted. Mourinho only wants to win, and doesn’t care what it takes to do it. He will quickly have to find the best use for Pogba, because the Frenchman’s place has such a ripple effect on the entire squad. Playing him on the wing with Wayne Rooney employed behind new boy Zlatan Ibahimovic serving as the lone striker may be the best option. But that leaves Henrikh Mkhitaryan out, and that might be José’s biggest headache this season. Well, that and the Manchester media following him around town.

I wonder what Mourinho thinks of the statisticians at the University of Salford that used math to conclude the signings of Pogba and Ibra were worth 10 more points. Their tests revealed the pair increased United’s chances of winning the title by 4%. You know what everyone always says, “the Premier League needs more math!”

It’s funny to read so much of criticism of Ibrahimovic, that he doesn’t have much left in the tank. He climbed up over Wes Morgan with ease to get his head on that Community Shield winning goal. The only player stronger than Morgan I think, is his Leicester teammate Jeffrey Schlupp. Ibra scored 38 league goals last season. Surely he can bag 15 in his Premier League debut season.

I expect to see a very different Mourinho this year. One that isn’t as quick to make headlines. One that selectively picks fights with his rivals. From an entertainment perspective, this could be the most boring year with Mourinho working in the Premier League. But that’s strictly off the pitch and between matches. On the pitch, United will be “must watch TV” every single week.

1) CHELSEA
This really wasn’t an easy choice for me. I sat and debated for the longest time. But in the end, Antonio Conte is the ultimate X-factor. He has made a career of getting new jobs because of his ability to achieve success, with very little at his disposal. Have you seen Chelsea‘s back-line?

This is an aging squad that grossly underachieved for half of last season. But if there’s a man to get Eden Hazard, Diego Costa, Cesc Fabregas and Nemanja Matic to play to their full potential, it’s absolutely Antonio Conte.

Hazard looked inspired and hungry in pre-season. Perhaps fueled by Belgium‘s disappointment at Euro 2016? Great player to have in your side. Costa knows he is on a short leash and this is his last opportunity to keep his big paycheque. Fabregas still has the quality to be one of the best midfielders in the Premier League. And it looks like he also shares the same “hair guy” as his new manager?

It’s a good thing Conte has the best hair plugs in the world because Chelsea’s defense is likely to stress him out a bit. As always he will rely on a back three. N’Golo Kanté, Matic and Thibaut Courtois may find it tiring to play four men down every Saturday.

Jokes aside, defense is Chelsea’s biggest weakness heading in to this season. But for all John Terry and Gary Cahill‘s faults, they can succeed with the simplified system Conte will employ. That’s what Kanté brings and why he was such a priority. £32 million will prove to be a bargain.

The price paid for Michy Batshuayi surprised many, and so will his play this year. The Belgian was an unknown to anyone but avid Ligue 1 viewers before Euro 2016. He’s 22-years-old, still very much a raw talent and was the fourth leading goalscorer in France last season, potting 17 for Marseille. Forwards from L’OM have a history of playing well at Stamford Bridge. They do not need to overpay to bring Romelu Lukaku back.

Roman Abramovich took a big risk appointing Conte. This is a man that happily confronted disapproving Ultras while managing Atalanta. He is afraid of nothing, except maybe failure. But he hasn’t experienced that in years. Tip for Chelsea’s Ultras: don’t mess with Conte!

Thanks for reading my 2016/17 Premier League season preview series! Be sure to listen to the weekly Soccer Central podcast. Follow me on twitter, instagram and SnapChat: @brendan_dunlop

The Special One finds his special place

What a time to be alive.

It took longer than he wanted, but José Mourinho finally has his dream job.

Following in the steps of one man in over his head, and another whose head was so far up in the clouds he often couldn’t see what was going on around him, the 53 year-old was hired to return “football’s most storied club” to the glory years enjoyed under Sir Alex Ferguson.

Remember this is the guy that was once arrested for obstructing animal health officials and police from quarantining his dog.

I’m not saying this isn’t the right move for both parties. I’ve been waiting for this appointment since Fergie announced his retirement. I just fully understand why it took so long, and why not everyone in the Manchester United hierarchy believes Mourinho deserves this job.

If Manchester City didn’t hire Pep Guardiola, this article is about PSG‘s new fiery skip “L’un Homme Spécial.”

In many ways this is heartbreaking for United. Gone are the days when they could sit on their thrown atop the mountain while their “noisy neighbours” struggled quite hilariously to climb the grassy slopes, like a Range Rover Evoque with summer tyres. Now City actions force United reactions. And this is by far the best move possible.

Mourinho has charisma and a personality like few others in professional sports. Everywhere José has been he makes enemies. But he is beloved by tens of millions. He can make average players look great. He terrorizes the minds of his opposition. And he is always going to leave us with a great quote.

But while his CV is envied by every manager, Jose’s act is a tired one. Owners have quit on him. Players have quit on him. Very few managers are successful at the very top for more than ten years.

Mourinho won six league titles and the Champions League twice between 2002 and 2010. Since then he has won just two league crowns and left two clubs a complete mess. And no I am not a Barca favouring Spanish journalist. I was referring to Inter.

In English football’s 128 year history, only four managers have won the league with more than one club. Tom Watson, Herbert Chapman, Brian Clough and Kenny Dalglish.

Won’t stop millions from running to the betting shops to put a wager on the Red Devils, with only the Europa League to distract them this season. And José will become the fifth. Just in his second season, of course.

At United winning is just expected. It’s how you win that is the most important thing.

Louis van Gaal was feverishly criticized by the United faithful for not playing attractive football. Mourinho has made a career of filling trophy cabinets 1-0. And not the exciting Leicester way. But the way that empowers your soccer hating friends to say “this is supposed to be one of the best sawker teams around and they can only score one goal in an hour and a half?”

Mou has many detractors to win over. Several wear the suits that argued for weeks about his image rights. A few more are in the dressing room he will walk in to like he owns. It’s a good thing he has the entire pre-season to put his stamp on things.

So now we wait for Zlatan Ibrahimovic to make his way to the red side of Manchester. “Came as a king. Left as an assistant manager?” as one so eloquently said on Football Weekly in reference to rumour that José was going to bring Ibra to Old Trafford, but not as a player. Now there’s someone that Pep Guardiola would love to poke in the eye during a touch line skirmish.

Tough break for Juan Mata. Was the best player in the Premier League four years ago. José shows up, ships him out and he’s been trying to kill the unfair reputation of being a “Chelsea failure” ever since. Rumours of Mata for Willian have already started. Jesse Lingard doesn’t stand a chance of keeping a spot in the first team now. Adnan Januzaj is begging Borussia Dortmund to come save him. Marcus Rashford is… Naw. Rashford is good. He’s an England man now!

Or maybe, José Mourinho has in fact changed. Maybe he will give young players a chance to establish themselves. Maybe he will bite his tongue when opposing managers rile him up. Maybe he will instruct his players to put on a show for their loyal supporters.

Whether Mourinho’s tenure at Old Trafford mirrors Fergie’s or not, there is one guarantee in all of this: it will be worth watching.

5 Things We Learned From The Prem This Weekend – Dec. 21

I’m sure I’m not the only one that stayed up to watch Sepp Blatter‘s remarkable speech Monday morning? 

Sepp is the only man in the world that can make Donald Trump look good. Kept waiting for him to explain how strongly he feels the Washington Redskins shouldn’t have to change their name. 

1) Arsenal are ready to be champions

Titles aren’t decided before Christmas, I know. But Monday’s win over Man City was monumental. Not only did they take points off their only title threat, Arsenal proved they can beat the big clubs again. Staying healthy and continuing to beat the teams they should be beating week in and week out, will be the key to lifting the Premier League trophy over their heads come May. But what a confidence boost to take in to a busy Christmas period. 

2) Chelsea’s players f^&*ing hated Jose Mourinho
How else can you explain Branislav Ivanovic AND Pedro scoring within the first 13 minutes? You couldn’t have better scripted that match on Saturday. 

Stamford Bridge was one of the most bizarre places on planet Earth for 90 minutes. On the pitch a team that looked competent, let alone confident. With an urgency and an efficiency we haven’t seen since last May. And in the stands, you had a loyal fan base furious with ownership for sacking the man responsible for the worst start to a league season in their club’s history. Good luck with Guus.

3) Manchester United players taking page out of Chelsea’s book to get LVG sacked

We know the fans are unhappy with United‘s style of play recently. Isn’t that far fetched to think the players are as well. While just nine points off the top, United are declining in every aspect, except criticism. 

Norwich hadn’t won there in 26 years. That scoreline flattered United on Saturday. They let the Canaries take the game to them and never let the viewer the impression that they had any intent of winning. Dangerous spot for LVG to be in, and obviously from the ‘speculation gossip’ all weekend, he knows it. 

United visit Stoke on Boxing Day, then host Chelsea and Swansea. If they don’t take six points, hello Jose. 

4) If there was any doubt, Harry Kane is England’s only #9

Tottenham have quietly worked their way in to the Top 4. And after starting the year on an eight game goal drought, Harry Kane has scored 10 goals in his last 10 games. Hard to believe he’s already made 100 appearances for Spurs. He’s scored 47 goals for Tottenham now. His ratio? Nearly identical to Martin Chivers. There’s no need for Mauricio Pochettino to look to anyone else up front. And Roy Hodgson has no reason either. 

5) Odion Ighalo is incapable of staying off the scoresheet
Reminds you of another frontman on a recently promoted team that you expected very little from, doesn’t it? For those of you closely following the NFL this season, Odion Ighalo is the Kansas City Chiefs to Jamie Vardy’s… Perfect Panthers. If you get me, ya get me.

Nobody other than Quique is talking about Ighalo, and we bloody well should be. His 12 goals are a big reason Watford are comfortably in the top half of the table. That and the fact that their game plan is to run their opposition to death. Mamadou Sakho couldn’t keep pace with Ighalo, and Quique’s 4-4-2 works brilliantly with Troy Deeney next to him. Liverpool were never in that match Sunday.

And I’m so happy the Watford faithful got to enjoy that at Vicarage Road. This was their fourth straight league win, eighth of the season now, and against the best opposition they’ve beaten. Watford sit seventh in the table, four points better than Liverpool! Wow. The Golden Boys are fully deserving of the nickname this Christmas.

5 Things We Learned From The Prem This Weekend – Aug. 16

1) Jose Mourinho is a sore loser. But you already knew that
I don’t think Jose realises how bad he makes himself look when he says things like yesterday’s 3-0 result was “completely fake.” Yes he has reason to complain that Fernandinho should’ve been sent off. And I did actually find his post-match comments “it has no relation with the result but it has a relation with the rules and the rules say [that in] minute one or minute 90, it was a red card,” to be quite clever. But blaming his team’s lack of effort on referee Martin Atkinson is pathetic. Even for Jose.

Chelsea were lifeless going forward. They offered so little, the Manchester papers are lauding Vincent Kompany and Eli Mangala as the Prem’s new “elite defensive duo.” (And Citeh may flip Mangala for Nicolás Otamendi? Ridiculous.) That might have been the worst match I have ever seen from Diego Costa. I sure hope Jose addresses that at Cobham this morning. God knows the media won’t ignore his substitution of John Terry, for the first time ever in fact, when quite blatantly Gary Cahill was the the one whom Sergio Agüero was running circles around.

The scapegoat for this loss? How about Jose himself. He gave the Blues an entire month off and played just three matches before the Community Shield. And we know it’s nothing but a holiday when Premier Leaguers enjoy a pre-season tour in the U.S.A. Man City have set the pace. And Chelsea are well off it.

2) United love winning with the most minimum effort required
Full credit to Sergio Romero for recording back-to-back clean sheets in a shirt nobody believes he deserves to be wearing. But Villa deserved something on Friday. And that’s not my bias talking. Yes the elite scale back their play on the road, but a championship team could shred Tim Sherwood‘s side apart. United didn’t seem capable of doing that. I don’t know what to make of Wayne Rooney up front. Was really surprised to see Adnan Januzaj in United’s starting XI for the first time since February. Juan Mata was brilliant. His vision has always been a strong point and Memphis Depay will regret not having bagged his first Premier League goal after the best pass he may have ever received.

3) Alexis Sánchez doesn’t need vacations
Rushed back into the starting XI thanks to Arsenal‘s pathetic performance at home to West Ham last week, Sánchez barely had a holiday after helping Chile to win their first Copa América. He wasn’t even supposed to feature in the squad this month. Bit short of options are ya Arsene? Wenger called him a “fighter”. We know he’s just their best player, making probably £100k a week so those performances are expected.

4) Dick Advocaat has already lost the room
It’s like a race up there on Wearside to see who can do it first! If ever a team deserved to be relegated after two matches, it’s Sunderland. After Sunderland‘s pathetic effort at home to Norwich, a forlorn Advocaat admitted his side “are not a team” and openly questioned why “they can not bring it”. My what a difference a few months makes. Swansea visit the Stadium of Depression this weekend. Forget the boos. If the Black Cats play like that again, they might have to worry about being hit with bags of piss.

5) Carl Jenkinson is a better keeper than Petr Cech
Well, if clean sheets are the only measurement, then yes that statement is true. Chelsea fans were quick to troll Gooners after the former Gunner put the gloves on for the final few minutes of West Ham‘s 2-1 loss at home to Leicester. Adrián‘s boot through Jamie Vardy not quite as impressive as Nigel De Jong‘s kung fu kick on Xabi Alonso in the World Cup final, but thrilling nonetheless.

NOTABLE MENTION
Harry Kane is this year’s Raheem Sterling. Mauricio Pochettino explained that Kane was tired & could not play 90 minutes. Oh boy. Here we go again. He’ll look good in City blue next year though. They haven’t had a frontman with as likeable a haircut since Craig Bellamy. Is he still on their books? Most likely.

It’s going to get worse before it gets better for Newcastle. They lost at the Liberty Stadium in nine minutes. And now The Magpies will finish the month against Man United and Arsenal. Good luck with that Stevey.

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Premier League matchweek 12 – Three Things to Watch

Rejoice. The international break is over.

Players have returned to their clubs meaning doubt and cynicism can return to our conversations. Unless you’re Southampton, then everything is just peachy because every win from here on out is a bonus.

Here are three things to watch for this weekend.

Arsenal 8-2 Manchester United
Stranger things have happened. Now, plenty would have to happen to see a final scoreline like that. We’re not going to get it, but I know I’ve simultaneously hooked and pissed off all of you United fans reading this.

Remember at the start of the season when Louis Van Gaal boldly said “judge me in three months”? I hope he doesn’t look at a calendar this week, otherwise he might not voluntarily show up for work again.

Regardless of how many they win by, I can’t see how Arsenal lose on Saturday. United could field a squad with their injured list. That’s funny. Because they couldn’t. Point is, they haven’t hit top form even with their shiny new toys. I can’t see how they could without them.

Arsenal get one back. Olivier Giroud is three or four weeks ahead of schedule. Wenger would be mad to start him.

a) Because a normal human body should not recover from a broken leg 21 to 28 days ahead of time and b) because Danny Welbeck has been stellar and doesn’t deserve to be relegated to the wing just yet.

If Ryan Giggs doesn’t suit up to play I’m going to freak out.

How the Chelsea faithful treat Jose Mourinho
“Playing here is like playing in an empty stadium.” – Jose Mourinho. November 1st.

Saturday’s visit from West Brom will be the first match since The Special One basically called Stamford Bridge the Air Canada Centre.

Considering the average match ticket is north of £55 there’s actually plenty of reason to mention the two in the same sentence. However, Jose fails to acknowledge that while his teams can be incredibly successful, they’re not always the most entertaining. The bottom line is when someone is paying to attend a “Premier League Show” in person, they do so with the desire to be entertained.

Wouldn’t it be nice to see Chelsea fans treat Mourinho like Steve Kean or Rafa just for a match?

The ratings Monday Night Football gets this week
No second place team is less sexy for a prime time kickoff than Southampton.

That isn’t fair because their play is tantalizing. Still, there’s a good chance this match won’t match the ratings of 7 minutes of Judge Judy on any Monday afternoon.

Did I mention they visit Aston Villa? Make it 6 minutes.