2016/17 Premier League season preview (1-5)

5) ARSENAL
This is the year Arsene Wenger doesn’t win his “fourth place trophy.” And the Frenchman has absolutely no one to blame but himself.

The Gunners seem willing to spend more and more every window, but they don’t. Partly because they aren’t willing to overpay, leave that to team’s like Juventus. But increasingly because Arsenal is not the attractive destination it should be. London and playing in the Champions League have plenty of appeal yes, but finishing second last year was as damaging to Arsenal’s ambitions as any finish since Wenger arrived.

As unfair as it may be, with Chelsea, United and City‘s inabilities last season the title was Arsenal’s to lose. And that they did.

Granit Xhaka is a nifty player, but not what they needed. Defensively Arsenal could be in as much trouble to start this year as they were that season they bought Per Mertesacker and that fat Brasilian on the final day of the summer window. On paper this is a top side. But why gamble again that Jack Wilshere, Theo Walcott, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Danny Welbeck and Santi Cazorla will be fit to contribute for any more than a COMBINED 38 matches?

Mesut Özil and Alexis Sanchez are unfairly forced to carry too much of the load, while Olivier Giroud is being set up to fail. And most Gooners will tell you he doesn’t need any help with that.

This is supposed to be Wenger’s last season at The Emirates, and by the end of it I think he will regret not retiring after that second FA Cup win.

4) TOTTENHAM
Finishing above Arsenal is the equivalent of winning the league, isn’t it?

For months I critised Tottenham for “playing above their weight” and slammed their inconsistencies. I didn’t come around until it was actually a two horse title race. I was happy at that point to admit I was completely wrong. But how did Spurs finish the season? By looking exactly like a team that had been playing better than they really were for months and couldn’t cut it in the end with the pressure as high as could be. They will never get that close again. But, the future looks fantastic.

Preparing to open a new 60,000 seat stadium moreso than having learned from wasteful purchases, Daniel Levy was unusually quiet this summer. Reading Mauricio Pochettino‘s quotes this pre-season, the Argentine thinks he has best team Tottenham have ever put out on the pitch. He wanted Victor Wanyama last season, and now he’s got him, increasing squad depth while making Spurs more difficult to score on. 22 year old Vincent Janssen joined from AZ Alkmaar for a pricey £17 million but should take some of the scoring load off Harry Kane. Both seem like “very” Pochettino purchases, which might explain why head of recruitment Paul Mitchell quit.

Champions League nights at Wembley will be a real treat for the Spurs faithful.

Eric Dier should follow up his coming-out season with an even better campaign, having had a great experience at Euro 2016. While Kane and Deli Alli will hope to play as well as they did in a Spurs shirt last season, and nothing like the way they played with an England one on.

This is England’s team. Maybe that’s why I’m not sold?

3) MANCHESTER CITY
Sheikh Mansour made no secret of the Abu Dhabi United’s Group’s intentions when they purchased Manchester City and changed the landscape of English football overnight. This is what they were building towards. This is the dream they envisioned. I don’t know if this was the squad Pep thought he would have to work with when he accepted the job last winter, but so be it.

This will be Pep Guardiola‘s toughest challenge yet. When he arrived at Bayern he inherited treble winners. At City, he has inherited a very expensive collection of players and assembled a fantasy football XI. İlkay Gündoğan will be an instant superstar, if he can actually string together a good run of matches. Nolito showed his worth during Spain’s brief run at Euro 2016. Clearly management thought if they paid £50 million they would get the John Stones from 2014/15, and not the one that played last season and probably isn’t worth half that. But hey, at least Martin Demichelis is gone!

Kevin De Bruyne is the perfect player to build a team around. Sergio Agüero might be the best (proper) striker Pep has ever had. David Silva should flourish, and Pep might actually be able to get the best out of Jesus Navas.

Mistake-free possession football might never be a thing at The Etihad this season. But as long as City challenge for the title and build off a hugely impressive Champions League semi-final appearance, Mansour’s master plan will continue to move in the right direction.

And at the risk of never being served a drink at the Man City Supporters Club of Toronto again, why did they change the crest? It looks like a children’s team logo.

2) MANCHESTER UNITED
Let the José Mourinho era begin! The Special One was given his dream job and wasted little time inspiring the fan-base with the feeling that winning would return to Old Trafford. Spending £89 million on one player will do that.

Even before Paul Pogba arrived, I had picked Manchester United in my Top 3. They were close to a Champions League place last season, playing under a manager that never once knew what he wanted. Mourinho only wants to win, and doesn’t care what it takes to do it. He will quickly have to find the best use for Pogba, because the Frenchman’s place has such a ripple effect on the entire squad. Playing him on the wing with Wayne Rooney employed behind new boy Zlatan Ibahimovic serving as the lone striker may be the best option. But that leaves Henrikh Mkhitaryan out, and that might be José’s biggest headache this season. Well, that and the Manchester media following him around town.

I wonder what Mourinho thinks of the statisticians at the University of Salford that used math to conclude the signings of Pogba and Ibra were worth 10 more points. Their tests revealed the pair increased United’s chances of winning the title by 4%. You know what everyone always says, “the Premier League needs more math!”

It’s funny to read so much of criticism of Ibrahimovic, that he doesn’t have much left in the tank. He climbed up over Wes Morgan with ease to get his head on that Community Shield winning goal. The only player stronger than Morgan I think, is his Leicester teammate Jeffrey Schlupp. Ibra scored 38 league goals last season. Surely he can bag 15 in his Premier League debut season.

I expect to see a very different Mourinho this year. One that isn’t as quick to make headlines. One that selectively picks fights with his rivals. From an entertainment perspective, this could be the most boring year with Mourinho working in the Premier League. But that’s strictly off the pitch and between matches. On the pitch, United will be “must watch TV” every single week.

1) CHELSEA
This really wasn’t an easy choice for me. I sat and debated for the longest time. But in the end, Antonio Conte is the ultimate X-factor. He has made a career of getting new jobs because of his ability to achieve success, with very little at his disposal. Have you seen Chelsea‘s back-line?

This is an aging squad that grossly underachieved for half of last season. But if there’s a man to get Eden Hazard, Diego Costa, Cesc Fabregas and Nemanja Matic to play to their full potential, it’s absolutely Antonio Conte.

Hazard looked inspired and hungry in pre-season. Perhaps fueled by Belgium‘s disappointment at Euro 2016? Great player to have in your side. Costa knows he is on a short leash and this is his last opportunity to keep his big paycheque. Fabregas still has the quality to be one of the best midfielders in the Premier League. And it looks like he also shares the same “hair guy” as his new manager?

It’s a good thing Conte has the best hair plugs in the world because Chelsea’s defense is likely to stress him out a bit. As always he will rely on a back three. N’Golo Kanté, Matic and Thibaut Courtois may find it tiring to play four men down every Saturday.

Jokes aside, defense is Chelsea’s biggest weakness heading in to this season. But for all John Terry and Gary Cahill‘s faults, they can succeed with the simplified system Conte will employ. That’s what Kanté brings and why he was such a priority. £32 million will prove to be a bargain.

The price paid for Michy Batshuayi surprised many, and so will his play this year. The Belgian was an unknown to anyone but avid Ligue 1 viewers before Euro 2016. He’s 22-years-old, still very much a raw talent and was the fourth leading goalscorer in France last season, potting 17 for Marseille. Forwards from L’OM have a history of playing well at Stamford Bridge. They do not need to overpay to bring Romelu Lukaku back.

Roman Abramovich took a big risk appointing Conte. This is a man that happily confronted disapproving Ultras while managing Atalanta. He is afraid of nothing, except maybe failure. But he hasn’t experienced that in years. Tip for Chelsea’s Ultras: don’t mess with Conte!

Thanks for reading my 2016/17 Premier League season preview series! Be sure to listen to the weekly Soccer Central podcast. Follow me on twitter, instagram and SnapChat: @brendan_dunlop

The Special One finds his special place

What a time to be alive.

It took longer than he wanted, but José Mourinho finally has his dream job.

Following in the steps of one man in over his head, and another whose head was so far up in the clouds he often couldn’t see what was going on around him, the 53 year-old was hired to return “football’s most storied club” to the glory years enjoyed under Sir Alex Ferguson.

Remember this is the guy that was once arrested for obstructing animal health officials and police from quarantining his dog.

I’m not saying this isn’t the right move for both parties. I’ve been waiting for this appointment since Fergie announced his retirement. I just fully understand why it took so long, and why not everyone in the Manchester United hierarchy believes Mourinho deserves this job.

If Manchester City didn’t hire Pep Guardiola, this article is about PSG‘s new fiery skip “L’un Homme Spécial.”

In many ways this is heartbreaking for United. Gone are the days when they could sit on their thrown atop the mountain while their “noisy neighbours” struggled quite hilariously to climb the grassy slopes, like a Range Rover Evoque with summer tyres. Now City actions force United reactions. And this is by far the best move possible.

Mourinho has charisma and a personality like few others in professional sports. Everywhere José has been he makes enemies. But he is beloved by tens of millions. He can make average players look great. He terrorizes the minds of his opposition. And he is always going to leave us with a great quote.

But while his CV is envied by every manager, Jose’s act is a tired one. Owners have quit on him. Players have quit on him. Very few managers are successful at the very top for more than ten years.

Mourinho won six league titles and the Champions League twice between 2002 and 2010. Since then he has won just two league crowns and left two clubs a complete mess. And no I am not a Barca favouring Spanish journalist. I was referring to Inter.

In English football’s 128 year history, only four managers have won the league with more than one club. Tom Watson, Herbert Chapman, Brian Clough and Kenny Dalglish.

Won’t stop millions from running to the betting shops to put a wager on the Red Devils, with only the Europa League to distract them this season. And José will become the fifth. Just in his second season, of course.

At United winning is just expected. It’s how you win that is the most important thing.

Louis van Gaal was feverishly criticized by the United faithful for not playing attractive football. Mourinho has made a career of filling trophy cabinets 1-0. And not the exciting Leicester way. But the way that empowers your soccer hating friends to say “this is supposed to be one of the best sawker teams around and they can only score one goal in an hour and a half?”

Mou has many detractors to win over. Several wear the suits that argued for weeks about his image rights. A few more are in the dressing room he will walk in to like he owns. It’s a good thing he has the entire pre-season to put his stamp on things.

So now we wait for Zlatan Ibrahimovic to make his way to the red side of Manchester. “Came as a king. Left as an assistant manager?” as one so eloquently said on Football Weekly in reference to rumour that José was going to bring Ibra to Old Trafford, but not as a player. Now there’s someone that Pep Guardiola would love to poke in the eye during a touch line skirmish.

Tough break for Juan Mata. Was the best player in the Premier League four years ago. José shows up, ships him out and he’s been trying to kill the unfair reputation of being a “Chelsea failure” ever since. Rumours of Mata for Willian have already started. Jesse Lingard doesn’t stand a chance of keeping a spot in the first team now. Adnan Januzaj is begging Borussia Dortmund to come save him. Marcus Rashford is… Naw. Rashford is good. He’s an England man now!

Or maybe, José Mourinho has in fact changed. Maybe he will give young players a chance to establish themselves. Maybe he will bite his tongue when opposing managers rile him up. Maybe he will instruct his players to put on a show for their loyal supporters.

Whether Mourinho’s tenure at Old Trafford mirrors Fergie’s or not, there is one guarantee in all of this: it will be worth watching.

5 Things We Learned From The Prem This Weekend – Jan. 18

1) LVG’s self confidence swings on a pendulum
A month ago Louis van Gaal didn’t think he was fit for the job. Now after a five game unbeaten run, he sees his team in a title race. Not everyone else does, but just seven points back of Arsenal there’s plenty more reason to be optimistic at Old Trafford. Even nine points wouldn’t be insurmountable, I mean there is still plenty of football left to be played. But this team isn’t capable of winning the title. Even with Wayne Rooney‘s regained scoring form. He single handily can carry United to a Top 4 finish, and that is a title in itself.

2) Eight minutes of stoppage time is a real thing
Once found in only the degenerate tales of frustrated Qatar Stars League gamblers, Mike Jones showed us something as rare as a unicorn dressed as a Mountie. (That’s a Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer, for those who don’t get the reference.) He didn’t see that John Terry was offside before he put his cheeky flick passed Tim Howard. But hey if eight minutes is the standard for a six goal second half, then I hope we see many more matches like that.

3) Leicester will play out the season like a Jose Mourinho side
If there was any doubt that Leicester have retired the swashbuckling, no fear football that had them top of the table at Christmas, Saturday’s trip to Villa Park confirmed it. The Foxes were the better side in the first half and deserved leaders, although they missed a penalty. Aston Villa were the better side in the second half, and should’ve had a penalty. How Roger East didn’t see Robert Huth throwing his sharp German elbow through the face of Libor Kozák as a clear cut penalty, I’ll never understand. But when the ball struck Rudy Gestede’s hand in the build-up to his equalising goal East could’ve blown up and stopped play. So maybe Villa are finally going to get some good fortune they’re long overdue.

But what surprised me most was Leicester’s lack of urgency in the final 10 minutes. Vardy had a real chance to win it, but apart from that Leicester seemed fully content to wait for a counter-attacking opportunity. There was no rush to get the ball back in play or pressure Villa off it. Exactly the opposite of the team that ran the table in the fall. But fully reflective of a side that will only take calculated risks to protect their position. Claudio Ranieri won’t see Saturday’s match as two points dropped, but top spot regained. He should be disappointed.

4) Arsene Wenger thinks far more of football fans than he should
The Frenchman has been around long enough to know that no matter how much Premier League match tickets cost, a large percentage of attending supporters will never be mature role models. Stoke’s chants of “Aaron Ramsey, he walks with a limp” rattled Wenger to the core. Or, maybe he was taking a page out of Jose Mourinho‘s book and distracting attention from how poorly his team played. The Britannia is a difficult ground to win at, but after watching Leicester drop points at Villa Park on Saturday, Arsenal need to play with a lethal urgency and control what they can if they’re going to be champions come May.

5) Spending money is scary. But you’ve got to do it
One can only imagine the relief Eddie Howe felt when Benik Afobe found the back of the net on his Cherries debut. The future England boss hasn’t hid his concern about Bournemouth‘s record spending this month. And while the £10 million it cost to bring Afobe down from Wolves will only be justified when they stay up come May, Bournemouth showed just how much better they are than Norwich and continue to pull away from the bigger, more established clubs whose struggles seem never ending. Sunderland.

NOTABLE MENTION
Swansea did something few others have been able to this season: shut down Odion Ighalo and Troy Deeney. It’s a massive three points for a club that may not regret sacking Garry Monk mid-season after the odd, yet incredibly exciting appointment of Francesco Guidolin. But I think Swansea will rue the decision to sell Jonjo Shelvey to Newcastle. He seems exactly the type of player you want in a desperate fight. He’s walked right in to Steve McLaren‘s side and will most certainly help Newcastle in theirs.

Full credit to Mark Bunn for making the very most of his opportunity with Aston Villa toiling away at the bottom. Having hardly seen any action since leaving Norwich in the summer, Bunn followed up a fortunate clean sheet with an admirable performance against a title challenger. His penalty save on Riyad Mahrez yielded one of the loan positive Villa appearances on MOTD all season.

Kevin Mirallas is a game changer. On his day. I’ll never get tired of seeing quality goals like that. Mirallas is a player that deserves more regular football, but if he can’t earn it consistently at a club like Everton, he’ll struggle to get in to the Belgium squad this summer.

5 Things To Watch In The Prem This Weekend – Jan. 16

1) Is LVG changing his ways?
United fans were beside themselves watching Tuesday’s 3-3 draw up on Tyneside. Not because relegation threatened Newcastle fought their way back from 2-0 down, but because LVG attempted to beat the Magpies with something very popular among forward thinking managers who are not him: pace. A trip to Anfield facing a side on the brink of setting a Guinness World record for group hamstring injuries, is a great time to employ it. Playing Anthony Martial and Jesse Lingaard made United a real threat and if Wayne Rooney continues to score goals, the Red Devils will find it easier to string together performances that will yield results AND silence their critical fanbase.

2) Do Tottenham want to win the league as much as Sunderland want to stay in it?
Completely valid question. Would never have expected Sunderland to win at Swansea, and I know they were the beneficiary of some questionable officiating. Not to mention Jermain Defoe performing like he’s 25. And losing 1-0 to a fellow title rival is usually nothing to hang your head about. But if Spurs are legit title contenders, it’s not Leicester they can be excused for dropping points against. I don’t believe they are in a title race. But Mauricio Pochettino has all the pieces to make a Top 4 run this spring, and given the failures of bigger teams around them have little excuse for not doing so.

3) Can Everton finally win at Stamford Bridge?
They may never be in a better position to do something they haven’t been able to in 21 trips to West London. Everton‘s draw away to Man City midweek was not just a valuable point taken off a title contender, but in fact the first scoreless draw at The Etihad since 2010. That’s no small feat. Considering Chelsea have wanted to buy Everton’s entire backline in recent years, it will be a real challenge for Diego Costa and Co. to find the back of the net. Despite their six match unbeaten run since Jose Mourinho‘s departure, the Blues are just six points up on Sunderland and Guus Hiddink seems well aware of the disastrous possibility of being pulled into a relegation battle with a trip to The Emirates next on the calendar.

4) Will Leicester regain their scoring touch?
A trip to Villa on Saturday will reveal Leicester‘s true identity. I know that sounds crazy, but so does the fact that The Foxes have scored just one goal in their last four matches. Leicester look increasingly aware of their position. They’re playing tighter and taking less risk than they were to start the season. Leicester won’t outscore their opposition by three or four anymore. But they’re fully capable of doing so against Villa. If they want to.

5) Will West Ham fans ever tire of Jonjo Shelvey’s resemblance to Voldemort?
I know it isn’t nice to tease someone about their lack of attractiveness. But there is something continually hilarious about West Ham fans chanting “Harry Potter is coming for you!” every time Jonjo Shelvey takes the pitch against their beloved Hammers. The travelling few will certainly make the most of their opportunity when Shelvey makes his Newcastle debut. Expected to fit right in to Steve McLaren‘s side, Shelvey provides a huge boost to The Magpies survival hopes. Exactly what went wrong at Swansea will likely never come out, and despite the suggestions that Shelvey thinks rather highly of himself, he is a talented footballer that has a lot to contribute. Particularly when the fighting gets rough.

Premier League matchweek 12 – Three Things to Watch

Rejoice. The international break is over.

Players have returned to their clubs meaning doubt and cynicism can return to our conversations. Unless you’re Southampton, then everything is just peachy because every win from here on out is a bonus.

Here are three things to watch for this weekend.

Arsenal 8-2 Manchester United
Stranger things have happened. Now, plenty would have to happen to see a final scoreline like that. We’re not going to get it, but I know I’ve simultaneously hooked and pissed off all of you United fans reading this.

Remember at the start of the season when Louis Van Gaal boldly said “judge me in three months”? I hope he doesn’t look at a calendar this week, otherwise he might not voluntarily show up for work again.

Regardless of how many they win by, I can’t see how Arsenal lose on Saturday. United could field a squad with their injured list. That’s funny. Because they couldn’t. Point is, they haven’t hit top form even with their shiny new toys. I can’t see how they could without them.

Arsenal get one back. Olivier Giroud is three or four weeks ahead of schedule. Wenger would be mad to start him.

a) Because a normal human body should not recover from a broken leg 21 to 28 days ahead of time and b) because Danny Welbeck has been stellar and doesn’t deserve to be relegated to the wing just yet.

If Ryan Giggs doesn’t suit up to play I’m going to freak out.

How the Chelsea faithful treat Jose Mourinho
“Playing here is like playing in an empty stadium.” – Jose Mourinho. November 1st.

Saturday’s visit from West Brom will be the first match since The Special One basically called Stamford Bridge the Air Canada Centre.

Considering the average match ticket is north of £55 there’s actually plenty of reason to mention the two in the same sentence. However, Jose fails to acknowledge that while his teams can be incredibly successful, they’re not always the most entertaining. The bottom line is when someone is paying to attend a “Premier League Show” in person, they do so with the desire to be entertained.

Wouldn’t it be nice to see Chelsea fans treat Mourinho like Steve Kean or Rafa just for a match?

The ratings Monday Night Football gets this week
No second place team is less sexy for a prime time kickoff than Southampton.

That isn’t fair because their play is tantalizing. Still, there’s a good chance this match won’t match the ratings of 7 minutes of Judge Judy on any Monday afternoon.

Did I mention they visit Aston Villa? Make it 6 minutes.